Word of Salvation – March 2025
Of Marriage And Divorce
Sermon by Rev. John Westendorp on W.C.F. ch.24 & Mat.19:1-12
Reading: Isaiah 54:1-8; Matthew 19:1-12; Westminster Confession – ch.24
Singing: BoW.153 Blessed Jesus, at Your word
– BoW.206 In God the Father I believe
– BoW.237 Blest be the tie that binds
– BoW.158 Glory be to God the Father
Theme: Marriage as a unique and binding relationship that pictures Christ’s relationship to the church.
Introd: When I first read the W.C.F. I was surprised to see that there was a chapter on marriage.
It’s the only one of our Reformed confessions that specifically addresses the subject.
Marriage is not a topic in the Heidelberg Catechism.
It is not dealt with in either the Belgic Confession or the Canons of Dort.
There’s another reason why I was surprised.
Our creeds and confessions are statements of what we believe.
They were particularly formulated to show where our beliefs differ from others.
But don’t all Christians agree with what is written here about marriage?
Much of this teaching is even believed and adhered to by many non-Christians.
So why do we need to have a confessional statement about marriage?
Originally one reason was specifically to take issue with Roman Catholicism.
They forbid their priests to marry and expect them to live celibate lives.
They’ve taken something Paul says; that there are times when singleness has advantages.
(For example: in times of persecution one doesn’t then have to worry about wife and children.)
But the Roman Catholic church made that compulsory.
So the WCF states: It is lawful for all sorts of people to marry.
This chapter also addresses the matter of Protestants marrying Roman Catholics.
Here the WCF is not being very complimentary nor politically correct.
It says that Protestants should not marry papists – that’s a nickname for Roman Catholics.
BTW it also lists a whole lot of other people that Reformed Christians should not marry.
That list includes unbelievers, idolaters, heretics and notoriously wicked people.
So there are some issues in this chapter that were very relevant at the time of the Reformation.
Yet the more I think about it the more I realise that especially today we must have this chapter.
And then not just written down somewhere in a book of liturgical forms.
Rather that we own this teaching… and that we live it out our in our daily life.
A] BETWEEN ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.
- Let’s begin, for example, with the opening words of the W.C.F.
It tells us: Marriage is to be between one man and one woman.
Those of my generation and older will remember when this was so obvious it didn’t need to be said.
We’re still inclined to say: That’s silly! Of course marriage is between one man and one women.
But increasingly today people take issue with us on this.
They don’t believe you may limit marriage to one man with one woman.
The point is that this is God’s definition of marriage back in Genesis 2. It’s a “Creation Ordinance”.
In other words, it was part of God’s design for humanity from the very beginning.
That’s why Jesus endorsed that “Creation Ordinance” in Matthew 19.
The trouble is that we’ve drifted away from a culture of the past that was still largely based on the Bible.
Today’s culture no longer operates within a “Judaeo-Christian” framework.
The matter of “same-sex marriage” is already again on the agenda of our national parliament.
So this is relevant… because there are those today who are determined to redefine marriage.
And we need to speak to our parliamentarians… when this comes up.
We need to say most strongly: marriage is defined by God not by parliament.
- What then of the fact that our confessions serve the purpose of highlighting church differences?
The modern, unbelieving world might all agree to go along with a redefinition of marriage.
But surely not Christians?
Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you.
Some Christians too want to change that definition. At least they call themselves Christians.
But they are no longer prepared to say: Marriage is to be between one man and one woman.
Some churches today have adopted the agenda of the world when it comes to marriage.
In some countries where same-sex unions have been legalised churches have supported it.
More than that… they have become actively involved in marrying same sex partners.
You can find churches where those relationships are now blessed by the church.
Whether God actually gives His blessing is quite another matter altogether.
We believe God cannot and will not bless homosexual relationships.
Not even if we now regard two men or two women as married.
The church in which this has caused the most controversy is the Anglican Church.
In the U.S. it is called the Episcopal Church.
In that country some states have legalised marriages of the same sex.
Last year several Episcopalian bishops gave their ministers approval to do same-sex weddings.
They promised their churches that an appropriate liturgy would soon be available.
That has caused a huge schism within the Anglican community.
So much so that some churches have broken with their diocese and their bishop.
And they have affiliated themselves with conservative bishops who oppose same-sex marriage.
That makes us realise that chapter 24 of the W.C.F. is important in today’s society.
We need to say to homosexual people… and we need to say it lovingly: This is not marriage.
The truth (liked or not) is that God calls that kind of relationship an abomination.
So instead of redefining marriage we need to counsel such people to live celibate lives.
- Of course there are other ways in which this chapter is still very relevant for us today.
And then I don’t just mean all those nice things it says about marriage:
That it was meant for the mutual help of husband and wife.
Or that it is for the prevention of immorality and to provide family and church with holy offspring.
No! I’m still talking about that opening definition: : Marriage is to be between one man and one woman.
If we think about it there has been far more trouble with that than we often realise.
That statement effectively outlaws bigamy and polygamy.
And there have always been fringe groups which had other ideas.
The early Mormons believed men could have several wives and some still do.
Polygamy – having several wives – is still allowed under Muslim Sharia law.
And then I haven’t even mentioned the “serial polygamy” that is rampant today.
Here in Australia it is still illegal to have more than one spouse.
At least not at the same time… but you can do that if you get rid of the previous one.
So it’s now common to have people marry for a fourth or fifth time.
Some people try to support this from Scripture.
They point out that King David had many wives and Solomon had even more.
Solomon had 700. (That’s why he was always late for work – kissing all his wives goodbye.)
But Jesus made clear in Matthew 19 that it was never meant to be like that.
In the O.T. the Lord overlooked some of that human sin and weakness.
We have no choice but to uphold that: Marriage is to be between one man and one woman.
B] ENDURING UNTIL DEATH US DO PART.
- This chapter is also still very relevant today in what it says about divorce.
It echoes the teaching of Jesus that marriage is “until death us do part”.
Marriage was never meant to be “until the divorce court us do part”.
In Matthew 19 the question of divorce is raised by the Pharisees.
Moses had allowed for divorce in Deuteronomy 24.
He spoke about a situation where a man finds something ‘indecent’ in his wife.
And he regulated the divorce proceedings that then followed.
In Matthew 19 that issue is now put to Jesus. But notice how they ask the question.
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
For starters there is an assumption that divorce is only something husbands can initiate.
John Calvin and the Reformation took issue with that.
More importantly the Pharisees are asking about easy divorce: “for any and every reason”.
IOW they are asking whether a very lax view of marriage is okay.
Behind that lies a debate between two opposing schools of Jewish Rabbis.
One took a very conservative view of what Moses meant by “something indecent”.
That could only mean a serious breach of the marriage relationship.
But a leading teacher – Rabbi Hillel – held a very liberal view.
He claimed that it could mean something as simple as burning hubby’s dinner.
Or even if a man lost interest in his wife because of her plain looks.
It seems that the Pharisees found that easy approach very attractive.
And so does our present day society.
Today people divorce for any and every reason.
And our “no fault” divorce laws mean that you don’t even have to justify it anymore.
In contrast Jesus upholds the permanence of the marriage bond.
What God has joined together let not man separate.
Jesus calls Moses’ regulations in Deuteronomy a mere concession to human weakness.
- At the same time Jesus does allow for one exception.
He permits divorce – but only in situations where there has been marital unfaithfulness.
There is some debate about what the original Greek text exactly means.
But it seems clear enough that this is when a partner has been unfaithful.
Jesus recognises that in such cases the marriage bond is broken.
Please understand that Jesus is not saying that in such situations divorce must follow.
One of the wonderful things about the Christian faith is forgiveness and renewal.
And that gospel of forgiveness and renewal also applies to marriage.
So it often happens that in Christian circles unfaithfulness has not led to divorce.
Couples have often done the hard yards of putting their marriage back together again.
That can be hugely difficult… and some of us know that from painful experience.
It means struggling with the difficulty of forgiveness.
It means of working hard to re-establish trust in that relationship.
But what a triumph of God’s grace when that happens.
When marital unfaithfulness is dealt with out of the gospel, then God is glorified.
However Jesus certainly teaches that in case of unfaithfulness divorce is permitted.
And the implication is that remarriage is then allowed too.
- When we look at the W.C.F. we find this teaching of Jesus clearly reflected there.
But we also find that the W.C.F. goes further than Matthew 19.
In fact, I find that the W.C.F. is surprisingly lenient.
It’s as if it again does a “Moses thing” and makes allowance for human weakness.
Jesus said: “Moses permitted you to divorce… because your hearts were hard.”
So when the WCF goes further than Jesus in Matthew 19 it does so by also speaking about desertion.
When we ask where it gets that from in the Bible then we have to say: 1Corinthians 7.
Paul pictures a situation there where a non-Christian couple comes in contact with the gospel.
And one partner (and only one of them) responds to Jesus in faith.
So there is now a situation where a believer is married to an unbeliever.
Paul – in such instances – expects the believer to stay in the marriage and work at it.
However he admits that the unbelieving partner may be unwilling and wants out.
Paul says that in such situations the believing partner is not bound.
IOW when the unbelieving partner leaves the believing partner is free to remarry.
However the W.C.F. seems to go further and speak of desertion in general.
More specifically of wilful desertion that neither the church nor the civil magistrate can remedy.
It states that in such cases the marriage bond can be dissolved.
Today that raises all kinds of questions for us… questions that the church continues to struggle with.
For example: there are such abusive relationships that one partner’s life is at risk.
To me that’s even worse than wilful desertion.
So OTOH we want to honour the permanency of marriage.
Yet OTOH we will always struggle with what Jesus called man’s hardness of heart.
On a personal note I have always felt that if Moses in the OT allowed for grace…
then how much more should we NT Christians who experience God’s grace in Christ.
C] A GLARING CONFESSIONAL OMMISSION.
- It’s admirable that the WCF has summed up for us some of these Biblical issues about marriage.
Today as marriage is under attack and divorce becomes more prevalent we need this more than ever.
So it’s good to have these important matters spelled out.
Of course this is only a summary of the Bible’s teaching on marriage.
W.C.F. chapter 24 is not an exhaustive study… and today we can only really give some overviews.
There has been much written on the subject.
Our own Synods have dealt with it in long and carefully thought out reports.
And yet despite all that I have a problem with this chapter.
My problem is that there is a glaring omission.
A vital Biblical teaching is totally bypassed… it is not even hinted at in this chapter.
Why is it that God designed marriage to be permanent?
Why does God hate divorce – as we’re told in the book of Malachi?
One of the reasons is obviously the wellbeing and stability of the family and of society.
Our present crisis and breakdown of marriage leads to huge problems in society.
But there is another reason: marriage is a picture of God’s relationship to the church.
God uses the picture of marriage to describe His loving relationship to His people.
But when God did that He didn’t hunt around for an illustration and then settle on marriage.
No! He designed marriage for that purpose in the first place.
- Already in the OT that becomes very clear.
Marriage is to be between one man and one woman.
But that marriage is to be a picture of the relationship of the one God to His one people.
It’s a relationship that is as exclusive and permanent as marriage.
We saw that wonderfully pictured for us in Isaiah 54.
The Lord says there: For your Maker is your husband.
That passage goes on to speak of God’s faithfulness to that marriage covenant with His people.
For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
This is made clear too in the teaching of other prophets.
It’s a teaching that climaxes in the life of Hosea who is called to marry a prostitute.
That is in order to picture Israel’s unfaithfulness to the Lord.
Hosea lives that out in that troublesome relationship with his wayward wife.
Associated with this is a further Biblical idea.
The concept that idolatry is seen in Scripture as nothing less than spiritual adultery.
So when Israel worship the Baals God accuses them of playing the harlot.
I miss this teaching in chapter 24 of the W.C.F.
It is such a strong Biblical teaching that I regard this as a serious omission.
We have not done justice to marriage until we have seen it as a picture.
As representing the relationship between God and His people.
- Of course that picture becomes so much clearer in the NT.
The NT begins with the gospels where Jesus calls himself the Bridegroom.
The NT ends with the book of Revelation where the Bride’s final cry is: Come Lord Jesus!
We are even now awaiting the coming of the Bridegroom to take home His Bride.
We’re headed for that great wedding banquet at the end of the ages.
That teaching is most fully worked out in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians.
He tells us that husbands are to give themselves in love to their wives.
And the model for that, says Paul, is Christ’s self-giving love for the church.
He tells us that wives are to submit in love to their husbands.
And the model for that, says Paul, is the Church’s loving submission to Christ.
That’s both a wonderful blessing and an enduring challenge.
The challenge is to keep living that out in our marriages.
To model for the world Christ’s relationship to His Church.
And we’re called to do that in loving and stable marriages.
What a challenge to do that in a world that tries to redefine marriage.
What a calling that is in a world of easy, no-fault divorce.
But that’s not only a challenge… it’s also a blessing: the delight of living in love with each other.
My relationship with my wife is a very small foretaste of the glory to come.
When I live out the gospel in my marriage it actually prefigures Christ and the Church.
That is a wonderful blessing to encourage us in those moments when it’s tough going.
That’s also why it is so important to note something else in chapter 24 of the WCF.
It says: It is the duty of Christians to marry only in the Lord. Why does it say that?
Only two believers can really model most fully the relationship of Christ and the Church.
That’s why we need to encourage our young people to find Christian partners.
What a joy… what a delight it is in that way
to live out the gospel in marriage to God’s praise and glory.
Amen.