Word of Salvation – Vol.24 No.10 – December 1977

 

The Evil Of Loneliness

 

Sermon by the Rev. W. Wiersma, Th. Grad. on Proverbs 18:1

(This sermon could be used especially for young people)

Scripture reading: Proverbs 12.

Psalter Hymnal: 111; 240; 462; 232; 231

 

The great and positive way of life which God sets before us is the way of love; the way of service.

The apostle Paul, in Romans 15, puts it in these words, “We, who are strong, ought to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.  Each of us should please his neighbour for his good, to build him up.  For even Christ did not please Himself.”

In other words, God wants us to put up with others.  More, God wants us to actively care for and live for others.

In our text we see something quite different.  In fact, we see just the opposite of what God commands.  It is good that we should take a careful look at this, for it is sometimes helpful to understand something by looking at its opposite.  To appreciate what love is about, it is good to consider what hate is like.

To help us learn what life should be like, it is sometimes good to be shocked by what it is like.  And the book of Proverbs contains many of these shocking little pictures of what life and people are really like in this world.

The translation of this text in the Good News Bible is very striking.
“People who do not get along with others are interested only in themselves.
They will disagree with what everyone else knows is right.”

That is putting it in language which we understand more easily than the literal translation which we find in the N.A.S.B.:
“He who separates himself seeks his own desire.
He breaks out against all sound wisdom.”

That’s very telling, isn’t it?
The loner is only out for himself.
He quarrels with everything and everyone.

So the loneliness of which our text speaks, and to which our title refers as something evil, is a deliberate loneliness, a self-willed separation or withdrawal from others.

As you try to picture this person which our text describes, you see someone who stands aside, who seems to be at odds with everyone.

We have various ways of describing such people.

Such as: someone with a chip on his shoulder, someone who is angry or in a huff, or just a plain loner.

Modern psychology has all sorts of names for it.  And it is always looking for the cause or reason why people are like that.

It often blames a person’s childhood, his or her parents, their upbringing or surroundings.

Our text says nothing about that.  This Word of God speaks about the heart of such people.  It says the loner is self-centred.  He wants everything his way.  It suggests that his criticism, his disappointment, his anger and pride stem from his selfishness.

It may be of interest to you that the word ‘shy’ does not occur in the Bible.  It does speak of people who are withdrawn or who are modest.  It speaks of people who are reluctant or afraid.  But one could not find any word that is equivalent to the way we use the word ‘shy’: as a neutral quality of someone who just happens to like being on his own and not get involved.

As we said, our text speaks of an utterly selfish person.  Now the Book of Proverbs, as its own introduction clearly states, was written, “That men might know wisdom and instruction, understand words of insight, receive instruction in wise behaviour, righteousness, justice and fairness, that prudence may be given to the simple; the wise men also may hear and increase in learning and the man of understanding acquire wise counsel.” (1:2ff.).

When we read this book of wisdom we find two important bits of truth and advice, right at the start.  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” and “Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (1:7).

So, apart from the fundamental teaching that all true wisdom and knowledge are gained in the right attitude to the Lord, the Proverbs tell us that to gain this knowledge and wisdom, we must always be teachable, always willing to learn.  Read Proverbs and you will find a remarkable emphasis on hearing, listening, paying attention and learning.

Right after the statement that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and that those who despise wisdom and instruction are fools, there is this advice: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”  It re- minds us, doesn’t it, of the fifth commandment (or, as the apostle Paul calls it, the first commandment with a promise): “Honour your father and your mother”, which means, “children, listen to and obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right”.

The learning of knowledge and the gaining of wisdom begins right at home, from earliest childhood.  This, of course, means that parents have a great responsibility in this matter.  They can have a tremendous influence for good or evil on their children.

Parents (and children too) need to realise that their children need their instruction, their counsel and help.  They need to deal with their children in such a way that they will become teachable.  By word and example parents have to show each other and their children that none of us have wisdom and knowledge of ourselves.  We all depend on God.  We depend on His Word and Spirit for instruction and wisdom.

We have to learn from God that just doing as we please, and not caring to please others, is the height of selfishness and foolishness.

That’s why God speaks about discipline.  He tells us to guide and correct children, to punish them when necessary so that they will learn that it is not right or wise to insist on having everything their own way; that it is wrong to think that our own little will is all that matters.

All too many children are spoiled because parents fail to correct them.  They treat their children as if their child is the only one that matters.  There are all too many little brutes who think they must have all the attention; who must get all they want, the way and the moment they want it.  And if they don’t get it, they play up, they argue, they hit and kick.  They break out against all sound wisdom.  And all the nice words of their parents are made to look ridiculous.

They are the kind of children who grow up (if you can call it growing up) to become so utterly selfish that they don’t respect anyone or anything.  Fools who refuse to be instructed or corrected.  Yes, parents in their homes have a very important and far-reaching task.  One which is not always pleasant because the heart of man and of every child born in sin is evil and needs humbling and correction.  That’s one of the first lessons in becoming wise.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of true knowledge.  And the Lord tells us that the way of Life is the way of Love; not pleasing just ourselves but pleasing others.

Our example in this is Christ, Who, though He was so great, pleased not Himself.  It is to Him that you must look.  It is to Him that parents are to direct the attention of their children.

To Christ, Whose food it was to do His Father’s will.  Who prayed: Not My will but Thy will be done.

To Christ, Who did not separate Himself from others but Who was concerned for, and went to, and lived with, and helped the needy.

As you think about the person described in our text, you can see the kind of people who stand on the sideline, constantly criticising.  And therefore also always afraid of what people are saying about them.  Loners who are always arguing (if not openly, then in themselves); never really getting involved.  People who huddle together with other malcontents who are angry and who keep telling themselves that they are right and everyone else is wrong.

You can imagine families where there is a spirit of poison.  Where mum and dad have a chip on their shoulder and where children get the idea that the way to live is to find fault with people and, if possible, to make life miserable for others.  At least to gloat over their misery.

You can see young people at Youth Club who complain that nobody ever talks to them and who are always ready to point out the faults of others while never making any positive contribution themselves.  What pride and foolishness abounds in the world and even in the church.  What an unwillingness to be instructed and corrected.

How helpful it would be if we were all willing to listen and learn.  And how much there is to learn from the book of Proverbs which warns that it is foolish and stupid to hate being told that you are wrong.  That it is nonsense to think that you are always right.

“The arrogant never admit wrong and consequently cause nothing but trouble.”  “Therefore get all the good advice you can.”

How much we can learn from Christ in Whom all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden.  We are called to be His pupils, His imitators.

How does our life – how does YOUR life – compare with Christ’s life?

Oh, yes, we would like others to listen to and take note of these things.  We are all inclined to think that others need far more correction than we do.

But that is not in line with what God tells us.  The Lord does not tell us to worry about what others do to us.  Rather, He teaches us by Word and Example (that is, by Christ) to concern ourselves with doing good to others.

God did not wait with His love till we pleased Him.  The Lord did not just sit back and criticise till the world became right.  Rather, He came down in love.

And those who believe in Him may rejoice in the fact that He puts up with our failings.  There is forgiveness with the Lord, out of the goodness of His heart.  And He calls us, who may enjoy this love of God by faith, to forgive as Christ forgives us.  He calls us as the light and salt of the earth.

We are called, not to wait till the world, till everyone else is changed, but in His love, in His Spirit, to change the world.

Yes, in His love.  That means in the knowledge that the Lord loves and cares for us.  Christ gave His life for us.

‘In His love’ also means in obedience to His command that we should love as He has done.

Instead of the destructive attitude of foolish pride we should live and work with the attitude of humble wisdom.  We should realise that God’s grace in Christ extends over the whole world.  God is interested in all men.  God is reconciling the world to Himself.  He desires that all men shall be saved.

The Will and Spirit of God is one of positive love, not of negative criticism and selfish aims.

May God grant us all a teachable spirit.
May God grant us the wisdom in which we find true life.
May God help us to follow the example of Christ
so that we will concern ourselves for others
and stop thinking that everything has got to be done, and come, our way.
May God make us fellow workers with Himself, through Christ.

AMEN.