Word of Salvation – Vol. 42 No. 44 – November 1997

 

The Importance Of Right Relationships

 

A Sermon by Rev. P. Abetz on Matthew 5:21-26

Scripture Readings: Genesis 4:1-16; Matthew 5:21-26
            (could also use 1John 1:5-10)

 

Brothers and Sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Introduction

Murder is an awful thing.  Serial murders which go unsolved send a chill up the spine of any city or community.  But the fact is that most murders in our country are committed within the family, or by close acquaintances and friends.  Husband murders his wife.  Son murders his mother.  Or a mother murders her child.  A brother murders his brother.  A business man murders his business partner.

Sometimes when we hear of a particular murder, we ask ourselves: why would anyone ever do a thing like that?  The answer is quite simple: They did not maintain a right relationship.

Usually it begins with something like one causing the other hurt.  When that hurt is not resolved, it leads to anger, which in turn leads to hatred; which in turn leads to bitterness.  When anger and bitterness take root and grow, they can develop into a hatred that eventually leads to murder.

But just because you have not committed a physical murder does not mean that all is well as regards your keeping this command.  That was the problem of the Jewish teachers and the Pharisees that Jesus was speaking about in our text.  They thought that because they did not murder people they were fine.  Indeed they made extra rules for themselves, just to make sure that they were not in some way breaking the commands of God.

But it was all based on an external obedience of the law.  Because of their external business with obeying the Law, the ordinary people looked up to them as very righteous people.  People who were right with God.  People who were sure of a place in heaven because of their zealous attention to the Law of God.

This caused Jesus to say to the ordinary people: “unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven” (vs.20).

Having said this, he then focuses on what was really meant by certain commandments, which he presents as 6 antitheses: Our text is the first of the 6 antitheses.  So let us see what Jesus had to say about:

1.  The nature of the command do not murder

Jesus begins by saying: “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, Do not murder and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.  BUT I say to you anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment” (vss.21-22).

Jesus is not calling into question the law of Moses, for he has just earlier said that “not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law” (vs.18).

What Jesus is attacking is the legalistic interpretations of the Law offered by the various Rabbis whose traditions the Scribes and the Pharisees perpetuated.  Jesus wanted to make it plain that external obedience was not enough.

To Scribes and Pharisees, as long as you did not do what the Law forbade, then you were deemed righteous.  So if you did not stick a knife in someone’s back, you could proudly say you had not broken the commandment: “You shall not murder.”

But what Jesus was pointing out was this: The commandment, “you shall not murder,” not only forbids physically sticking a knife into a person’s back, it forbids every thought and word that seeks to destroy a man’s life.

In these antitheses, Jesus is also pointing out the principle that when something is forbidden, it not only requires abstaining from that specific action, but it requires that we actively pursue the opposite.  In this case, we should seek with all our powers to have right relationships with everyone.

For Jesus, to kill with a knife, or to engage in character assassination through anger, or to belittle another by calling him ‘fool’, is part and parcel of the same spiritual malaise, for both are caused by harbouring animosity in our hearts towards a neighbour.

Since the 6th commandment says, “do not murder,” and the root cause of murder is animosity, then this commandment calls us to maintain good personal relationships, and when there is a breakdown in relationships, to immediately seek personal reconciliation.

To show…

2.  The necessity of reconciliation

Jesus gives a simple little illustration in vss.23-24 (read).

Notice that he begins with, “therefore”.  The fact that being angry with a person makes one liable to judgment, and despising a fellow human being, to the point of calling them a nit wit or similar belittling term, puts you in danger of hell itself, makes the maintaining of good personal relationships absolutely essential.

Since broken relationships give rise to these sins, Jesus says: therefore you had better sort out your relationships before you try offering a sacrifice to God.

Just picture the scene: a church member is about to express his devotion to the Lord in worship – perhaps by reading the Scriptures, or leading in singing, or preaching, or bringing an extra large envelope of money for the offering – but there is disharmony between him and another person.  Perhaps, not on speaking terms, or caused someone great pain.  In that situation Jesus says, quit fooling yourself; your worship of God is not something you can do in isolation from your relationships with other people.

Many in our circles think that they can go on living with broken relationships – only when it comes to celebrating the Lord’s supper does it cause them some problems.  But even then, often, people make excuses.

They opt for a bloodless kind of murder.  They pretend the other person no longer exists.

They make sure they sit in such a way in church that they do not need to sit at the same sitting of the Lord’s Supper.  They make lame excuses as to why they cannot be in a particular fellowship group, when the real reason is they do not want to face the other person.

Let me share with you a real life situation: Harry worked for a person in the church.  After repeatedly talking to his boss about what he thought was a serious safety issue, Harry finally called in the union.  Because of the tensions between himself and the boss over the matter, Harry eventually got himself another job.

But they belonged to the same church.  For more than ten years they had not been on speaking terms.  They sat in church so that they never had to sit at the same Lord’s Supper table.  They both made sure that they were never put into the same fellowship group.

When the new minister came, and being unaware of the situation, he put them into the one fellowship group because they only lived a kilometre apart!  Neither family came to fellowship group anymore.

One of the elders said to the minister: You made a mistake.  You can’t put those two families together.  And the minister was told the whole story by the elder.  The families had accommodated themselves to living with this brokenness.  The Session had accommodated themselves to it, too.

But as our text makes clear, for the sake of the gospel, for their own spiritual well being this could not go on.  For those ten years of coming to church, they were fooling themselves.  Their worship was not acceptable in the sight of God.

Their sin was as grievous as someone living in an adulterous relationship.  If Harry and his former boss were serious about living as God’s redeemed people, then reconciliation was not an option.  It was a demand placed on them by their God!

The minister invited both couples to his home and shared the passage of Scripture with them which is our text for today – and the Lord graciously melted the years of bitterness, and they forgave each other, and were reconciled.  They both realised that bitterness and resentment was a sin they both needed to repent of, and seek God’s forgiveness.

Brothers and sisters, broken relationships litter the church of Jesus Christ.  But it ought not be like this.  It is an abomination before the Lord.  It is an abomination before the world, that the church to which the Lord has entrusted the gospel of reconciliation, is not a living testimony to that reconciliation.

What we are before God, also involves how we relate to one another.  If you are harbouring bitterness against a person, you cannot come to the Lord with a pure heart and mind.  It is preposterous to think that the Lord would find our offering acceptable.  Reconciliation does not mean that we have to agree on everything.

When the minister met with Harry and his former boss, Harry still believed he had been responsible in calling in the union.  And his former boss still felt it had been unnecessary.  But they were able to agree to disagree, and to seek each other’s forgiveness for the hatred and bitterness they had harboured against each other.  Both men, who had been stagnant spiritually, began to grow again.  The sin had at last been removed.

Brothers and sisters, this text calls you to search your heart with utmost honesty: Is there someone who has something against you, and you have been pretending that everything is OK?  If that is the case, go and see that person.  Leave your Christian activities – go and see him or her first.  Remember, Jesus makes no distinction about whose fault it was.  If a person has something against you, YOU go and see him.  Jesus put it in the singular for emphasis.

Jesus gives another illustration to show…

3.  The urgency of reconciliation (vss.25-26 read)

As Jesus gives the example of two men on the way to court, notice he does not even call the other person a brother.  He calls him an adversary.  He may not even be a fellow Christian.

So, we see, Jesus urges you to make every effort to settle the matter before you go to court.

In the first illustration of the brother bringing an offering to the altar, Jesus said: First go…

In both illustrations there is a great sense of urgency.

Sadly, many Christians make all kinds of excuses for delay.  Let us briefly look at a few of the common excuses.

So often, people say they are ‘not ready’ to do it yet.  They think of all kinds of reasons to stall.  But as soon as you become aware of someone having something against you, Jesus says YOU go…

Another excuse is: ‘he has to come to me.’  Notice, it is not the person who did wrong who Jesus said must come.  Simply, if you realise that your brother has something against you…  Then you go….  Not next week, but NOW.

Our unwillingness to go and forgive another person, or to give them opportunity to ask for forgiveness from us, is simply a self-centred way of wanting to hold on to our wounds.  We love to lick our wounds in self-pity.

The reason for urgency is that animosity and hatred are like a time bomb.  They can explode at unpredictable times.  Unresolved anger leads to bitterness, which soon can get out of control.

Most human relationships that are destroyed could have been preserved if there had been communication and action at the right time.  Jesus says that the right time is as soon as we are conscious that we are at enmity with our brother.  And the reason is quite simple.  Delay damages our relationship with the Lord.  The longer we hold back, the longer we are breaking our relationship with our Lord.

You cannot claim to have a relationship with God, while you hate your brother.

Refusing to go and be reconciled immediately is harbouring hatred.  In 1John 4:20 it says: “If anyone says, I love God,’ but hates his brother, he is a liar.  For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.”

As John puts it in 1 John 1, “If we walk in the light as he (Jesus) is in the light, then we have fellowship with one another.”  The implication is clear: If you do not walk in fellowship with others, you are not walking with God.

And that is what John says in 1John 2:9 & 11: “anyone who claims to be in the light, but hates his brother is still in the darkness.  Whoever hates his brother is in darkness and walks around in darkness.”  Instead, you are walking in your own self-centred, self-righteousness and that is the way of destruction.

The principle that Jesus is enunciating here is very clear: Failing to do all within our power to maintain right relationships with others is to be guilty of murder.

Or, stated positively: The 6th commandment requires that I make every effort to maintain right relationships with everyone.  This is essential if our righteousness is to go down deeper than that of the Scribes and the Pharisees.  Most human relationships could have been preserved if there had been proper communication at the right time.

Conclusion:

The commandment, “You shall not murder,” calls us to do all in our power to develop and maintain right relationships with our brothers and sisters, both within the church and outside of the church.  This is perhaps one of the hardest commandments to keep.

But our Lord here is not asking something of us that he was not prepared to do himself.

We broke the relationship with God through the fall into sin.  We rebelled against God.  We were at fault.  Yet, God took the initiative to reach out to us, and restore the relationship with his people.

When you wonder how far you should have to go for the sake of restoring relationships, remember that Jesus went so far as the cross to make that a reality.  It cost him dearly.  It cost him his life.  Hellish agony.  Separation from the Father.  All it costs us is some of our pride.  The love of Christ compels us to take the initiative, and do all within our power to restore the relationship with others.

Your relationship with God is at stake.  Act on it now.  For Jesus, the one who loves you, calls you.  And by His Spirit he will empower you.

As Paul said: “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”  Do not tarry.  It is a matter of great urgency.

Amen.

Prayer:

O God, forgive us that we are such failures in the area of relationships.  We come to you now in genuine and sincere repentance.  Grant us the courage to act upon what we have learnt today – to go and make every effort to restore the relationships with those who have something against us.  Help us to keep each other accountable to maintaining the standard that your Word sets before us.  Grant us a fuller picture of the height, breadth and depth of your love, so that we might love more fully, the way you have loved us.

For Jesus sake.

Amen.