Word of Salvation – Vol. 35 No. 41 – November 1990

 

Honouring Parents And Others In Authority

 

Sermon by Rev. M.P. Geluk on Lord’s Day 39

Readings: Proverbs 4; Ephesians 6:1-4

 

From the catechism material, in use by our churches, comes the following story, which you may or may not have heard before.

‘Once upon a time there was a father who had grown old and frail.  His eyes blinked and his hands trembled.  When he ate, he clattered the cutlery against the plate, missed his mouth with the fork and spoon as often as not, dribbled food on to his shirt and dirtied the tablecloth.  He lived with his married son, having nowhere else to live, and his son’s wife was a modern young woman who knew that in-laws should be kept in their proper place in a woman’s home.

‘I can’t stand this old man being such a disgrace,’ she said.  ‘It interferes with a woman’s right to happiness.’  So she and her husband took the old father by the arm and led him to a corner in the kitchen.  There they sat him on a stool and gave him his food, what there was of it, in an earthenware bowl.  From then the old man always ate in the corner, blinking at the table with wistful eyes.  One day his hands trembled rather more than usual, and the earthenware bowl fell and broke.  ‘If you start behaving like a pig’, said the daughter-in-law, ‘then you will have to eat out of a trough.’  So they made him a little wooden trough and he got his meals in that.

Now these people had a four-year old son of whom they were very fond.  One supper time the young father noticed his boy playing intently with some bits of wood and asked what he was doing.  ‘I’m making a trough,’ he said, smiling and looking up for approval, ‘so that I can feed you and mummy when I’m big.’

The man and his wife looked at each other for a while and didn’t say anything.  They just cried a little.  Then they went to the corner and took the frail, old father by the arm and led him back to the table.  They sat him in a comfortable chair and gave him his food on a plate, and from then on no one scolded him again when he clattered or spilled or broke things.  (Landmarks Marking, Bible Way, Unit VI, lesson 8).

This story shows how the old father was sadly dishonoured for a while.  You too may have a father and mother whom you have dishonoured sometimes because of the way they are and of what you have done to them.

The fifth commandment speaks about honouring parents and others in authority.

1.  In the first place let us see what this commandment requires.

God says that we are to love, honour, obey, and be loyal to our parents.  Not only to them but to all whom God has placed in authority over us.

Both the Old and New Testament emphasize this very strongly.  Throughout the Bible God says that children must honour their parents.  Irrespective of when and where they live, parents must receive love, honour, obedience and loyalty from their children.  This commandment is never old-fashioned.  And turning eighteen or twenty-one years of age, or getting married, does not mean you can stop honouring your parents.

To obey this fifth commandment and honour God in it, you need to be clear on your attitude towards your parents.  So, what kind of attitude are we talking about?

Well, the Word of God will tell you that children must not strike their parents (Ex.21:15; Prov.19:26).  Sometimes parents embarrassingly admit their children hit them back when they give their children some form of physical punishment.  Children who do this are sinning against God.

Nor must children curse their parents (Ex.21:17; Prov.20:20), or speak evil of them.  Neither must they despise their parents and hold them in contempt.  Many times in the book of Proverbs are children and teenagers warned not to take lightly the admonition and discipline of their parents.  You’re a fool, says God, when you despise your parents because they punished you for wrong-doing.  When you have been sent to your bedroom, or not allowed to watch television, because of something wrong you did, then you are foolish if you allow yourself to keep on thinking all sorts of terrible things about your parents.  You’re a fool, because if you don’t stop those thoughts then you will poison the atmosphere at home.

In Old Testament times, a rebellious and stubborn child who did not obey his father or mother, who behaved recklessly, and who was a drunkard, was to be brought before the village elders who had the right to pass the death sentence for that kind of behaviour.  The evil of disobedience to parents had to be purged from among God’s covenant people.  God allowed for such a heavy penalty so that His people realized that obeying His commandments was a serious matter indeed.

The New Testament does not speak about a death penalty for children who disobey parents.  Certain changes have come about.  What has not changed is that honour is still due to both parents.

We should note that the Bible speaks of both parents.  There was a time when the father was considered the only authority in the home and the mother would say to the unruly children, ‘you wait till your father comes home.  ‘That state of affairs made the mother look incapable of handling a crisis at home and the father became the bogyman.

But nowadays we have gone to the other extreme and it is equally unscriptural and unbalanced.  The father has become the dear-old dad who is a bit of a bumbling figure, and the mother the no-nonsense, all-wise mum.  Many a television show and comic-strip pictures the father as the one who makes one blunder after another, does not really know what goes on in the world, and his wife and even his children have to come to his rescue and straighten him out time and again.

Whilst such a father-image often produces a good laugh, it nevertheless rubs off on to the children who are made to think that all fathers are to be pitied because they can’t really help it that they are a bit stupid.

Well, today God reminds us again through the fifth commandment that children and teenagers are to give both father and mother equal love, honour, obedience and loyalty.  To favour one parent above the other, or to obey one more than the other, is to break this commandment.  Another false notion we must get rid of is the idea that you are obliged to honour, love and obey your parents only when they deserve it.

But, parents do not have to earn the obedience of their children.  Of course, honour and respect to parents will come more spontaneously from their children when parents exercise their authority with love and consistency.  Children will not easily come to honour their parents when they see father and mother break all their own rules.

Yet, whilst that may be so, our young people must realise that parents and others in authority over us, are to be obeyed first and foremost because God commanded it.  Because they are your parents, you must obey them in everything.  The only exception is when the rule of the parents is in conflict with the clear rule of God.

Parents do not assume authority because it seems a good thing to do.  They are not over their children because someone has to be the boss, or because it is their house and their money, or because that is the way it has always been.  No, parents are in authority over their children because God has delegated some of His authority to them.  And God will hold those parents responsible who fail to act upon their authority.  So children must obey their parents whenever their rule follows and upholds God’s rule, simply because God says so.  To disobey one’s parents is to disobey God, and to disobey God puts you in trouble with the Almighty whose perfect justice will punish the guilty.

Of course, parents must also do the right thing.  They are told by God not to provoke their children to anger and their discipline must be carefully considered.  Parents must know God through His Word, especially God’s saving work in Jesus Christ.  Christian parents want to see their children also come to a living, personal faith in the Saviour.

Therefore, to have their God-given authority truly benefit their children, Christian parents will want to so rule their off-spring so that they are being led to Christ.

Still, not even Christian parents are perfect.  We all know that.  So that youth may well think, ‘How can I go on honouring my parents when they make such bad mistakes?  Should I really obey them when it seems so obvious that their rules are so unreasonable?  How can I take them seriously when they seem to be so much out of touch with the modern world of today?  How can I love them when they appear to be against me all the time?’

Well, those times and circumstances may make it the most difficult to show parents honour and love, but they are also the times when it is most important.  For let’s face it, when you are so convinced in your own mind that your parents are so wrong, have you ever stopped to think that it might just be possible that you could do with a little more wisdom?

Chances are that you are immature and unwise – not that this is held against you, but simply because you are young and still in the years of learning.  A humble attitude would suit you a whole lot more than a brazen front that smacks of pride, insolence and stubbornness.  And if you still want to point out a few things to your parents, then don’t use your big mouth.  Just a normal, conversational level of noise- output is still the best way to get a message across.  Even if your education enables you to know more about some things than your parents do, then it does not automatically mean that you are also wiser than they.

Besides, you might care to remember who paid and did extra jobs for the Christian education you were privileged to receive.

No one is suggesting that you have to eat humble pie for the rest of your life because of what your parents did for you, but all the same, a little respect, as a result of what they were prepared to do for you, won’t be out of place either.  Children and young people, therefore, do not love, honour and obey their parents because they deserve it, but you do all that in spite of their shortcomings.

There always will be mistakes because we are all sinful.  There are the wrongs of the past and we will not be a perfect people in the future.  But mistakes and wrongs do not get rid of commandments.  To live by God’s grace is something each one of us is to re-learn every time again.

2.  In the second place, let us look at what God promises in this commandment.

There awaits a good, positive result when parents exercise their God-given authority and when children obey their parents.  It is this: ‘…so that it may go well with you, – or – that you may live long, in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.’

This promise was, of course, first given to Israel after they left Egypt and were waiting to enter the promised land of Canaan.  But it was not just a promise for Old Testament times.  It is repeated in the New Testament as well.  When the apostle Paul quotes the fifth commandment in his letter to the Ephesians, he adds: that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth (6:4).  So it’s not just a long life in one particular country, as was the case with Old Testament Israel, but in any country.  In the New Testament it has become the whole earth.

This beautiful promise does not necessarily mean that now each and every Christian believer who honours his or her father or mother will enjoy a wealthy and healthy old age wherever they live in the world.  But it does mean that for God’s covenant people, the honouring of parents will produce the most favourable conditions for a good and happy life.

To understand that in the right way we must make the following observations.  The fifth commandment, the first one with a promise, must be seen in the light of God saving the world through Christ.  ‘God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son (John 3:16).

If God had not come to save the world evil would be in control everywhere.

The situation in the days of Noah before the great flood is an example.  It was so bad that every inclination of the thoughts of man’s heart was only evil all the time (Gen.6;5).  But God stepped in and brought about a new situation through Noah and his family.  The same happened again in the time of the judges, during the reign of the later kings of Judah and Israel, and in the days of the Roman Empire, the conditions of which you can read about in Romans 1 and 2.  The Dark Ages also point to such deteriorating conditions, and it would seem that in our times the world is sinking deeper into a pit of depravity.

There are many different kinds of sin that bring about such conditions but the disrespect towards parents and break-down of authority in general, is often the forerunner of all other sins.

But God promised to save the world.  And He said that those who honour, love and obey their parents would live long on the earth.

Therefore, God steps in, time and again, and those whom He chooses to save, He puts into their hearts and minds His Spirit and commandments.  They are made to willingly obey the law of God and when they do, better conditions begin to prevail.

It has always been that way.  When God’s commandments are obeyed then the quality of life improves greatly.

God then brought about a renewal after the flood, and Abraham comes on the scene.  The glorious reign of David came after the Judges, the restoration in the days of Nehemiah after the captivity, Pentecost in the days of the Roman Empire, and the Reformation after the Dark Ages.  And since then there have been times of national revivals in some countries.  Great Britain has had them, Holland has and so has North America.  Also elsewhere.

God steps in and stops men from completely destroying themselves.  Through a return to biblical preaching of His Word, and a new obedience to His commandments, better conditions begin to prevail.

In such times there is a new respect for authority.  Parents, teachers, policemen, judges, governments, elders and ministers of the church are seen to have vital roles for the church, society and the nation.  They themselves become aware of representing God’s rule over man.  They are persuaded by God’s Word and Spirit to be good rulers, and those under their authority are made willing to obey.

People repent of their sins and through God’s grace they begin to see that God’s ways are able to bring about a better way of life.  Fewer crimes are committed, the moral fibre of the nation improves, there is a greater readiness to help the poor and the sick.  Yes, overall, life improves and people live longer.

But you can see such a new beginning right in the Christian home when the fifth commandment is obeyed.  Love, honour, obedience and loyalty are practiced.  A Christian character and biblical norms are moulded into the children.  The home thus becomes a fertile soil for the getting of wisdom, service and maturity, all with Christ in the centre and in the context of repentance, forgiveness and renewal.

But children do not only live at home.  They are also part of society and the nation.  There they have to find work and make a contribution.  To be able to do that to God’s glory, they need to be properly trained in their respective fields.

Parents, of course, cannot alone educate their children.  And thus we see how relevant it is to have Christian schools and Christian tertiary institutions where the students can learn how to think Christianly.

In such places of Christian learning, our children, our young men and women are trained to walk in the ways of God; they are taught to respect and see the value of authority that is God-given and biblically directed.

These children, products of the Christian home, finally move as young adults into society and become part of the nation.  They are God’s people and their lives are a witness to God’s ways.  Influencing the world for the good, society benefits much from these Christian people.  It helps the nation to develop true righteousness and justice.  Because God’s will is done, there is peace, stability and security.  In that kind of environment people can live and enjoy a long life on the earth.  The promise of the fifth commandment is being fulfilled.

And where did it all begin?  Right in our homes, with God-fearing parents teaching their children to respect and obey authority.  Right at that beginning in the Christian home, a start was made for a way of life that may prove to be long and happy.

Thus we can see how that age-old covenant promise is fulfilled in you, God’s covenant people, redeemed and serving God.  In you shall at the nations of the world be blessed.  God’s church and God’s kingdom become a blessing for all of humanity.  Evil is held in check and Satan’s influence is curbed.

Yes, the Bible speaks of the times before Christ’s coming again as being increasingly wicked.  The Lord’s coming will be, in fact, a welcome deliverance from the widespread disobedience to God’s rule.  That coming will herald the perfect conditions of the new heaven and earth.

However, we do not know when that will be.  The Lord has not revealed it on purpose.  If we knew, we would sit back and do nothing.  But now we cannot afford to.  Our own generation must get on with the task of being a light and a salt in the world.  And it all starts with this commandment for our homes and families.  If we fail here, then we will reap the unhappy consequences all along the way, from broken and miserable homes to a run-down society and a nation of disorder and anarchy, and so finally into the eternal anguish of hell.  There is so much at stake, therefore, so much that can go wrong.  So why not start today by loving, honouring, obeying and being loyal to your parents?

AMEN