Word of Salvation – Vol. 31 No. 41 – Nov 1986
Thank God For Parents
Sermon by Rev. D. J. van Garderen on Exodus 20:12
Reading: Lord’s Day 39; Col. 3:1-4:1
Singing: PsH. 204, 170, 414, 150, 417, 487
Dear congregation,
It’s great to be able to rejoice in the privilege of being a parent. Thank God for children and for the fullness and joy they bring into our lives.
But is it also true the other way around? Do children also rejoice in, give thanks for their parents? How often have YOU said to your mother and/or father, “I thank God for you Mum, Dad.”? Can you remember when your son or daughter said this to you?
Today, let us focus on the reasons WHY children should rejoice in their parents. What does the Bible say about this? Should children, should WE want to shout, “Thank God for parents!”?
We should begin by noting that the Bible does not spend a lot of time speaking to children as children. This is NOT because it ignores children and believes that, as the English have it, “Children should be seen, not heard!” It is rather a matter that children are seen as part of a household and when the household (usually through the father as its head) is talked to, so are the children!
OK, so the Bible doesn’t talk directly to children very often. But that means that when it DOES do so, you have really got to sit up and take very, very careful notice and sit up and listen!
What does the Bible say to children?
Let us look at several verses together:
[Suggestion – that children be allowed to read these to the congregation]1. EXODUS 20:12
“Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord is giving you.”
2. DEUTERONOMY 5:16
“Honour your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
3. EPHESIANS 6:1-3
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise – “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
4. COLOSSIANS 3:20
“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
There are certainly OTHER passages which speak to children, but these are the most important ones for now. If you want to underline texts in the Bible, these are four that are a must!
I. ΤΟ HONOUR/OBEY
WHAT do children have to do? A number of words are used. We can make a list of them:
(Suggestion: that the children find them in the Bible and Catechism, L.D.39, themselves.)
1. HONOUR. That is the most important one of all! It means that you never ever forget that mum and dad are the people whom GOD HIMSELF CHOSE to be your parents! GOD chose them no matter what you might think and feel sometimes. God is all-wise and knew everything you were, needed, and had to learn when he chose these parents of yours. God did NOT choose perfect parents for you, but He surely did know what He was doing when He chose them. HONOUR your father and mother as the parents God in His wisdom gave you!
2. OBEY. That is the word we found Paul using in the Bible. Remember this, to OBEY means to accept that parents are IN CHARGE over you and your life. They RULE and lay down the rules. Obeying is what life and living is all about! Children obey parents. Wives submit to husbands who submit in their turn to Christ as their head. Families submit to the rule of the elders who also submit to the rule of Christ. Workers submit to (obey!) their bosses and bosses obey their Master who is God. We all submit to the ruling authorities whom God has placed over us to govern us for our good.
See it? OBEY is a big, big word for EVERYONE all the time! Sometimes when kids reckon they are picked on because THEY have to obey they forget that life and living is all about OBEYING ALL OF THE TIME!
Now turn to the Heidelberg Catechism for a moment and see a whole list of words used there.
3. LOVE. That is a really important word! Remember that we must also “LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.” We must love our parents as much as we love God. We must know that it is just as important to honour and obey our parents as it is to honour and obey the Lord Himself!
4. BE LOYAL TO. That means that you have to stick up for them. You defend and keep on respecting them! Be loyal to them in sticking up for them before others. Above all, be loyal to them in your own attitude to the rules they lay down. No going behind their backs. You do not obey or honour your parents because you think they are right or because you think their suggestion is a good one. You obey, honour and respect them EVEN if you think they are wrong and telling you things you don’t like! Remember what Paul said to the children who belonged to the Colossian church? “Obey your parents in EVERYTHING…!” That includes obeying them when you don’t want to! Obeying them when they tell you to go to bed far too early. When they tell you what time you have to be home, and that you HAVE to do your homework, and that you’ve GOT to do the dishes no matter that there are much more important things to do.
5. (obey) AND SUBMIT. “Submit” means to let someone else be the boss over you. It means listening to and doing what someone else wants. It means accepting that you are not the boss! Submitting is very, very difficult! Ask your brother or sister! Ask your wife! Ask your boss! Ask the district elder! Ask any policeman!
6. One more word. See it? “PATIENT”. Children are called to be PATIENT with the failings of their fathers and mothers. Wives with the failings of their husbands. Masters with their servants. Congregational members with the elders… Yes, the community even with politicians! Patience…! – surely one of the great fruits of the Spirit! (See Gal.5:22ff)
II. THE BATTLE ΤΟ OBEY
Do you find it very easy and straight-forward to honour, obey, love, be loyal to and patient with your father and mother? Do find it easy you to be all of these things with your husband, your boss, your elder, your teacher? NO!
Realise that honouring parents, obeying them, loving them and all of that does NOT come naturally or easily. In fact our natural (SINFUL) way of doing things are OPPOSED to love, obedience and the like. Honouring parents has to be LEARNED and DRUMMED into us even more strongly than the “times tables” and the “spelling lists” that children get for their homework.
Therefore all of us, whether we are children or teenagers, honouring / obeying parents, wives submitting to husbands, employees serving bosses, congregation members submitting to elders… ALL of us, ALL of the time, are involved in a BATTLE… the battle to OBEY and to win OBEDIENCE!
1. By calling this a BATTLE we recognise that doing what God requires will not come easily and will not come without considerable war-wounds and even battle-scars! This on BOTH sides.
Bruised bottoms – lectures repeated warnings – sometimes a thorough telling off, a fine (traffic offenses come to mind!), even the sack!
No matter how unpleasant, both parents and children MUST endure. The stakes are far, far too high to give up.
Parents are told: “Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” (Proverbs 22:13,14)
Of the state we are all told:
“For he (the state) is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing.” (Rom.13:4)
As congregation members we are told of the authority of our leaders. Remember Jesus’ instruction to the apostles and through them to all those who are over God’s household:
“I tell you the truth, whatsoever you bind on earth will be bound heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. (Matt.18:18)
Not only a battle, but it means that you will have to fight yourself to be OPEN to hearing things over and over again. How many times do we have to REPEAT ourselves when it come s to teaching or learning something? How many times have you been told not to do something and you STILL do it? Kids have been told thousands of times that they MUST brush their teeth after a meal. How many parents, after having their children come home from their first camp, discover the tube of toothpaste as untouched as it was the day it was bought? Kids always bring home spotless towels and face-washers that are as neatly folded as they were when they were packed four days before!
REPEAT, REPEAT, repeat! Parents have to accept that they are like a tape-recording! Children have to learn to listen again and again!
I cannot help but note how Paul warns fathers (and mothers) against “embittering” their children (Col.3:21) or against “exasperating” them (Eph.6:4). That’s a good and necessary warning! But, spare a thought for parents, bosses etc. who are being driven in those directions by stone-deaf ears, blind eyes and stubborn hearts and minds.
Doing what the fifth command requires is a BATTLE… for all children, also covenant ones… for all of us all of our lives! Hence the need for discipline, and the repeated teaching over and over and over again! To ignore this is to ignore the reality of the fallen, sinful nature of our children and, in Bible terms, to set your training of our children on a sure highway to spiritual disaster.
III. THE REWARD
Is discipline, the battle, the bruises, the repeating yourself a million times over worth it? Does it reap a reward?
Discipline, being taught to honour, obey, love parents, is rarely appreciated. No one enjoys being punished, told the same thing over and over again!
What does God’s Word say?
That passage on discipline in HEBREWS 12:1-13 is one that we ought to study carefully at this point.
It says that it is precisely through our experience of DISCIPLINE that God shows us that He is treating us as his children.
“If you are not disciplined…then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.” (12:8)
Ultimately, discipline has its REWARD.
“Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Heb.12:10,11)
Learning to honour, to obey, to listen to, to be patient with, to love our parents and those whom God has placed over us reaps a reward. That is also what the commandment says. Remember, it is the first commandment with a PROMISE.
“…so that you may live long in the land the Lord is giving you.” (Ex.20:12)
“…so that you may live long, AND THAT IT MAY GO WELL WITH YOU, in the land the Lord is giving you.” (Deut.5:16)
WHY should children obey and honour parents? WHY should parents persist in teaching their children and never give up? Why discipline? Why train? Why?
1. Because unless our children are taught to honour, to obey, to love, to be loyal to, to submit to and be patient with their PARENTS, they will NOT be able to do this to others when they grow up! Is not the real heart of our problem in today’s society the rebelliousness, lawlessness, disrespect, the “who do you think YOU are” attitude that is becoming more and more prevalent?
If children are not TAUGHT in terms of the fifth commandment, rest assured that they will, as a rule, NOT teach themselves this!
Society disintegrates without this basic commandment being implemented!
The REWARD of this commandment is a society which works!
2. In the second place, this commandment is the only pathway to Christ for our children. Strong language! But unless our children are taught to honour and obey parents whom they can see, and unless our children learn something of the results or wages of disobedience, they will not come to see their sinfulness and need to call upon the name of the Lord to be saved! No one comes to God as a sinner in need of cleansing and renewal in Jesus’ blood without first having been taught and shown his or her sinfulness! I do not know what it is to disobey unless I first learn what it means to obey!
The REWARD of this commandment is the eternal kingdom!
3. Finally, this commandment is the pathway to Christian SANCTIFICATION, to growing in Christian love and fullness. God does discipline us and God uses those whom he has placed over us to exercise this discipline. This is so within the family, the church, the school, society as a whole. All of these institutions, under Christ, become the instruments God uses to enable us to GROW UP into Christ.
To obey, to honour, to be patient with, to be loyal to those whom God has placed over us is the way in which we are going to grow and be able to produce the fruits of the Spirit! Think of it, you CANNOT be humble, love, have peace, joy or any fruit of the Spirit without first of all putting into practice this commandment!
So today we thought about the fifth commandment! We MUST! Why? Because without it life is going to be dreadful! We cannot have a society that functions without this commandment. We cannot find the way to Christ without it. We cannot grow as Christians apart from it.
Once again, THANK GOD FOR PARENTS IN THE LORD!
AMEN