Word of Salvation – Vol. 25 No. 06 – November 1978

 

God’s Word And Husbands

 

Sermon by Rev. K. V. Warren, B.A., B.D., M.Th. on Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:19

Scripture reading: Ephesians 5:18b-33

Psalter Hymnal: 310; 41; 46:1, 4, 5; 460; 490

 

Congregation of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Have you ever said: “I don’t practise what I preach!”? Or: “My ACTIONS don’t always tie in with my WORDS.” If you haven’t said that, if you’ve NEVER said that, you’re either PERFECT, or you have no idea what kind of person you are.

We are all guilty here, aren’t we?

A very common failure with Christians, also within the CHURCH is exactly THAT: TO NOT PRACTISE WHAT WE PREACH. It’s one of the dangers of doing theology, holding on to a set of beliefs, but it may not go further than that; it’s just THEOLOGY; words, empty words, it means nothing in every day life. Let us straightaway put that in the setting of Ephesians 5: You could profess the glorious gospel that Christ gave His life for the church, you could confess that with so many words; and at the same time giving it THE LIE in the home situation, yes indeed, denying your Biblical confession within the four walls of your home.

For the HOME, MARRIAGE, THE HUSBAND-WIFE relationship, should be a living picture of Christ and the church! THAT is the clear teaching of Ephesians 5. One of its teachings is a wife’s devotion to her husband, and that is to be a picture of the devotion and submission of the church to her risen Lord. Another teaching of this Ephesian chapter is the husband’s devotion to his wife. And that is to be patterned after Christ’s sacrificial love for His church.

That’s what the Bible forces a husband to ask: “DOES MY LOVE FOR

MY WIFE SHOW THE MARKS OF CHRIST’S LOVE FOR HIS CHURCH? Someone put it like this: This passage here is about: HUSBANDS, do you love your WIVES enough to die for them? WIVES, do you love your HUSBANDS enough to live for them?

When you look at the Lord’s will for WIVES… THAT may not always be easy: SUBMITTING, OBEYING, RESPECTING. To do the Lord’s will of course is NEVER EASY; but in case you think a woman has the more difficult part, what about the HUSBAND? He has to exercise AUTHORITY, he has to be a LEADER, and of a VERY SPECIAL KIND.

And THAT’S where the difficulty comes in! Anyone can exercise authority of some sort: you can slam your fist on the table; talk loudly; throw your weight around; kick the cat; in a way, THAT’S EASY ENOUGH!

But that IS not the way! Not the Ephesians 5 way! To do what God demands here, that is an enormous task! To have authority, to be the head… yes, but HOW? What’s the example? What is the pattern to follow? “As Christ is the Head of the church!”

Do you ever think about that, young people? I don’t know what you are looking for in a boy, maybe you’re going steady already; is it rather clear already now that the man of your dreams can give LEADERSHIP? Are you maybe encouraging him in that direction? For THAT is the will of the Lord. And do you, Jack and John and Bill, do you ever think about what’s ahead of you; what the Lord is expecting of you? LEADERSHIP! And what sort of leadership? To be patterned after the Lord Jesus Christ! Can you do it? Are you getting ready for it?

No, YOU can’t do it. And I can’t do it. No husband can! Unless…. the Spirit of God is within us. Unless Christ, in turn is OUR Head! See, that word ‘authority’, it’s not just that the man has authority over his ‘wife, no, he himself. the husband himself, he TOO is under authority. Let us read what it says in 1Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to understand that the Head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God.” We can never be good husbands like this here, the Biblical pattern, unless WE TOO know what it is to be UNDER AUTHORITY. The Head of every man is Christ. So, what sort of a person is your friend, young lady? Does he place himself under authority too? Christ’s authority, that is. Is he really following the Lord? You know, whenever things go wrong, whenever in a home situation things are back to front, when roles are reversed, when a husband is opting out that husband is either not a Christian, or he doesn’t take his being a Christian very seriously, for he ignores the will of God. He does not want to take leadership; no responsibility for him.

Oh, let us ask God to forgive us our faults and shortcomings as husbands. Sure, I suppose that there’s always a case much worse than ourselves. But Lord, show me WHERE I go wrong!

Show me that I must know Christ in order to reflect that in my home life. That I must be under authority so as to exercise it! It has pleased God to order it like that. The HUSBAND must bear the ULTIMATE responsibility for the home. Somebody must have the FINAL say. Somebody must be ultimately responsible to God for the family’s decisions.

Praise God for the wise woman who, when her husband falls down on the job, doesn’t just take over, but rather encourages and activates her husband to be responsible and do what he is supposed to do. Being the head! Of course not being a TYRANT, not being a DICTATOR. God does not mean plain rulership, or exercising authority in a domineering or overbearing way. Not in the slightest, not at all! There also is the context of partnership: 1Corinthians 11:11, 12: “Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.”

I don’t know too much about Women’s Lib., but I have got a fair idea that they would pity the woman who would live like Ephesians 5, in subjection to her husband who is her head. But we must realise that if the husband KNOWS how to exercise that God-given authority in GOD’S way, then that woman is having the most beautiful life that we could imagine this side of heaven! Yes, we are serious about that! For her husband loves her AFTER THE PATTERN OF CHRIST LOVING THE CHURCH! Let us repeat that: Her husband loves her after the pattern of Christ loving the church!

Isn’t that absolutely tremendous? To be loved like that? CHRIST: laying down His life for the sheep, going all the way, sacrificing Himself, unto the very uttermost, the very end. Well, when a believing husband loves his wife after that pattern, obedience from the side of his believing wife will be easy!

It says here in vs.25: Husbands, love your wives. Now in the Greek language there’s a number of words for love, but what Paul uses here is not the word for sexual love, neither the word for affection within the family setting, but he uses a very SPECIAL WORD, which took on a most beautiful meaning in the New Testament church: it’s the word AGAPE, a typical Christian word for love, Christian love, UNSELFISH love, love that seeks not its own satisfaction, love that strives for the highest good of the other. In chapters 4 and 5 Paul had already been talking about that kind of love: 4:2 – forbearing one another in love; 5:2 – walk in love as Christ loved us.

So there it is.

Husband, love your wife, NOT merely because she is so lovable, or beautiful, or intelligent, or because she does all sorts of things for you. BUT: GOD SAYS YOU MUST DO IT! And He gives us CHRIST as an example. And when a husband does not love his wife, he is first of all totally out of tune with God.

Can we trust, young people, that you’re not being brainwashed by much of the thinking nowadays that seems to equate love with EMOTIONS, or LUST, or SEX? There’s something MUCH DEEPER about it all, says the Bible! Don’t miss out on it! Don’t give yourself away cheaply! Take the BIBLE as your standard. Then you will truly find that TO LOVE IS COSTLY. It asks SELF-DENIAL, SELF-SACRIFICE. But it’s God way; it’s a BEAUTIFUL way; and it’s worth it!

It’s not easy to be a husband the way GOD wants you to be a husband. Now this kind of love is not what the top 40 is about, or what the popular paperbacks are about, or what the office girls talk about. Standard number one for your love: AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH.

But there are even more standards.

Vs.28: – husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

Vs.33: – they should love their wives as they love themselves.

All the time Paul holds up that mirror: Christ AND the church, CHRIST the Head, the CHURCH the body, the husband the head, the wife the body. Paul says to husbands: your wife is like your body. He makes his point from the Old Testament, he quotes there from Genesis 2 in vs.31: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one.”

That is such an INTIMATE relationship, that to love one’s wife virtually is TO LOVE ONESELF. Whenever the husband does anything for his wife, it affects himself. His wife, Paul means to say, is SO CLOSE to him, SO MUCH a part of him, that she is like his own. body. The relationship is so close that he can hurt himself by hurting his wife, or the other way round, he can only help himself when he helps his wife.

And we still haven’t reached the end of it: how about that NOURISHING and CHERISHING in vs.29? That’s what the LORD does with the CHURCH. He feeds it, cares for it, helps it to grow, to mature, to become more beautiful. And so a husband is to NOURISH and CHERISH his wife. So to speak, make her more BEAUTIFUL, more COMPLETE, help her to become what she should be. Encouraging her to use and develop all her God-given gifts. If the husband has this kind of love, or maybe if he has even HALF of it, he doesn’t want to squash his wife’s personality, but rather wants to see her personality just blossom and bring it to the full flower.

NOURISHING AND CHERISHING! You know, husbands are pretty good at that, especially when it concerns THEMSELVES. As a rule you don’t hear women complaining about headaches or when they cut their finger or a pain in the back or just a bad day in general, but don’t husbands often get into a panic when this or that happens to them. Brothers, aren’t we very good at nourishing and cherishing ourselves! But now: nourishing and cherishing YOUR WIFE! These are very tender words, you know! How tender am I towards my wife, how tender are you in YOUR home situation?

Now in case it is your idea that that comes just normally and naturally for a husband, that tenderness, extra care, comfort and love, well, don’t think so, don’t believe it. And the Bible does not quite believe it either, for several times it has to warn husbands about that very thing. In Colossians 3:19 we read: “Do not be HARSH with them.” There is the idea of bitterness, anger. Now isn’t that true? Isn’t there a tendency with many husbands to sometimes come out in a harsh way? The Bible seems to recognise it and don’t we all know it, ourselves?

The apostle Peter writes something very similar in his first letter, chapter 3:7: “Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honour on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers’ may not be hindered.” Is this not often one of the glaring faults when things go wrong in a marriage, when both husband and wife don’t stick to the principles of Ephesians 5? Look, husband, what you have to do is to love your wife as you love yourself. Nourish her, cherish her. There are husbands who don’t even know HOW, who don’t even know where to begin, cherishing and nourishing their wife, because they had stopped doing it long ago!

When God-intended roles are cheerfully accepted, what a difference! Paul even says that is is a MYSTERY, a great mystery (vs.32). He means to say that the comparison of marriage to the union of Christ with the church is a mystery. The Good News Bible puts it like this: “There is a deep secret truth revealed: Christ and the Church”. And this most splendid and marvellous Christ-Church relationship is actually reflected within the four walls of a suburban home, the husband-wife relationship!

What is your reaction to all of this? Maybe we have to put a number of things straight, maybe we have a lot of repenting to do, maybe we need to have a few good talks as husband and wife, maybe we haven’t had them for a while, or for a much longer time, maybe we have to make a new beginning, also when it comes to PRAYING together! And maybe our young people when confronted with the Word of God, ought to set their goals somewhat differently, and straighten out some of their priorities, when it comes to their relationship.

The old Bible commentator, Matthew Henry talks about it in this: way: he says:

Eve was made from the rib of Adam.

Not from his FOOT, so as to be trampled upon.

Not from his HEAD, SO as to rule him.

But from his SIDE, to be his equal.

From under his arm, so that he can protect her.

From near his heart, so as to love her and be loved.

So when we believe the Gospel, when we love the Christ, when we are filled with the Spirit, then (vs.33): “Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

And even the world will see and take notice.

To the glory of God!

AMEN.