Word of Salvation – Vol. 25 No. 08 – November 1978

 

God’s Word And Mixed Marriages

 

Sermon by Rev. K. V. Warren, B.A., B.D., M.Th. on Deuteronomy 7:3, 2Corinthians 6:14

Scripture reading: Deuteronomy 7:1-11, 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1

Psalter Hymnal: 324:13; 227; 222:1, 3, 6-7; 235:2-3; 425:3-4

 

Beloved Congregation,

We have been considering the Christian family; the guidance of the Scriptures, the will of the Lord as regards HUSBANDS, WIVES, PARENTS, CHILDREN, DISCIPLINE, mutual RESPONSIBILITIES.

Quite a practical book is the Bible, there is much that we found to be of help. And we asked ourselves the question: WHY is God so concerned about the Christian family? And one of the obvious answers was that the Bible is also concerned not just with teaching – but seeing that teaching work out in DAILY LIFE! And FAMILY LIFE is very much a part of THAT!

But another very important reason why the Bible says so much about family life, CHRISTIAN FAMILY LIFE that is, is because the family plays such a crucial role in the COVENANT RELATIONSHIP between God and man.

Covenant is the KEYWORD.

Remember how husband and wife were to be a picture of Christ and the church? THEIR relationship is to be a reflection of the relationship of the Lord and His people.

Now that brings us directly to what we want to think about this morning, and that is: MIXED MARRIAGE.

We mean by that a marriage where ONE PARTNER IS A BELIEVER AND THE OTHER IS NOT! The Bible has some very definite things to say on THAT TOO! We want to look at that together, and learn. We want our young people to take very much notice. Here is a very clear word from God for YOU, and for your FUTURE.

For some people the subject will, of course, be particular DELICATE, because some of you may be directly involved, VERY DIRECTLY, when it comes to mixed marriage, or as PARENTS you’re involved; and maybe to see what the Bible says is going to HURT, but if it is the WORD OF GOD THAT IS HURTING, that’s good, really it is. For God’s Word has really one aim: TO BRING US CLOSER TO HIM, and if in the process it hurts, NEVER forget what the aim is: OUR SALVATION, and GOD’S GLORY!

Mixed marriage is a marriage where one is a believer and the other is not! Now let us at the very outset, say TWO THINGS quite emphatically:

FIRSTLY: we may never say that OF NECESSITY a mixed marriage is a failure, making everyone involved very unhappy. The Bible gives us no reason to say THAT. Over the years we have come across several mixed marriages which were happier affairs than some Christian marriages. And some non-Christian partners can be wonderful Mums and Dads, and marvellous husbands and wives.

The OTHER THING we want to say is this: the Bible NEVERTHELESS MAKES IT VERY CLEAR that it is NOT the Lord’s design that a believer marries an unbeliever.

So far we’ve had only TWO readings, one in the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 7) and one in the New Testament (2Cor.6). That last passage is NOT particularly about MARRIAGE ONLY, but the principle would hold true: a believer and an unbeliever should not be yoked together.

It’s very much in order to ask the question: WHY IS THIS SO? That’s not impertinent to ask, that’s not irreverent, for GOD HIMSELF gives us the reasons why He gives this command. There are THREE MAIN REASONS which we can single out.

FIRST OF ALL, let us just look at the PARTNERS themselves. Believers and unbelievers, together, in the most intimate relationship on earth: marriage.

One of them loves Christ, and the other does not.

For one of them the worship and the service of God is the biggest thing in life, for the other it is not.

Can you see, young people, how right here, in the things that have to do with your HEART OF HEARTS, you’re MILES APART, in a mixed marriage; you MUST be of necessity. Let us repeat that definition of a mixed marriage: it is where one partner is believing on the Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, and the other is not!

Well, doesn’t that put you, in the most decisive area of life, miles apart? These two, in the centre of their existence, will always live in TWO different worlds. For one is in the KINGDOM; the other is NOT: one is going to heaven, the other…!?!

You can’t pray together, you can’t together deal with problems in a Scriptural way, you can’t sing psalms and hymns together, you don’t enjoy the things of God together, and you could add dozens of other things. So in quite a sizeable area of life, and a VITAL area it is, you have no contact!

See, if I would not love and serve Christ, and my wife WOULD, she still has promised to give her whole self to me, that’s the marriage vow, isn’t it? But she would not really be able to keep that promise she made to me, not to the full extent, definitely not. For SHE belongs to Christ, SHE loves the Lord and His Kingdom. How could she then, FULLY, fully mind you, give herself to someone who CANNOT, in the nature of the case, accept those Christian things from his wife? SHE cannot give them, HE cannot accept them.

And how can such a marriage ever be a reflection of the relationship of CHRIST and the CHURCH? Even with all the best intentions in the world, it is IMPOSSIBLE!

But maybe you think: once we’re married, it will come good.

Let’s go ahead, get married, and the religious problem will sort itself out. You may know of other cases where that has happened and so you think that you can afford to take a chance. Yes, it does happen at times that the unbelieving partner becomes a true believer, but it happens VERY SELDOM. Usually it’s the other way round: the CHRISTIAN is the one who changes his or her course. You cannot deny that, my young friend, for that – overall – is a FACTUAL situation. Rather than the believing partner pulling the unbelieving partner up, unfortunately the facts are often the OPPOSITE!

And, young people, marriage is never for that kind of thing. It sometimes does happen, yes, but nowhere in Scripture do you find that THAT’S the main purpose of marriage. It is not a mission enterprise, it is not a means to convert someone to Christianity. That matter should be settled before marriage. AND EVEN THEN, problems can be just around the corner.

Listen to this!

Some time ago, there was a letter in our Church magazine, “Trowel and Sword” (August 1977), from a lady who had been married to an unbeliever for 18 years. She tells just a little bit of her story. She writes:

“I know how you young people think. I did too once. You say, he or she comes to church and will grow to love God and will understand how I feel about it all, about religion, about reading the Bible and so on. Why are my parents so worried? I know what I’m doing. I’ll be able to talk him round to coming to church, there won’t be any problems with the children, we love each other. I’ll manage…!

Well, I thought I’d be able to manage. He even gave all the right answers to our minister, and the session. He came to catechism classes. He “believed” (she put that in inverted commas).

But now I know, to believe is not enough. devil believes, and trembles. Lots of people believe. But are they Christians? Do they accept the Lord Jesus as their personal Saviour?”

And then she goes on to tell about plenty of frustrations that came her way once married. She writes:

“The tears I have shed! I prayed to God: asked Him why, begged Him to forgive me for not having done HIS will but MY will.”

We’d better leave reading her letter at this. But it is very clear isn’t it?

But now, in the SECOND place: is there another reason why a mixed marriage is not God’s design? Yes, the CHILDREN!

Think now of the words of Christ:

“Let the children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the Kingdom of Heaven.” Of course that was a different situation, the disciples kept the children away from Jesus. But the PRINCIPLE holds true for many occasions: “Do not hinder the children from.coming to Me”, says Jesus.

Now a mixed marriage is a HINDRANCE for the children to come to Christ, at least a hindrance in part; even with the best intentions, the unbelieving partner is a negative factor, is some kind of stumbling block. He or she cannot encourage the children to be happy in the things of the Lord, not really, for he is not happy in the things of the Lord himself. How could he then be a POSITIVE, upbuilding influence in the spiritual moulding of his children?

And the children will find out so quickly that father and mother are really travelling in two opposite directions. They feel it, they sense it, that deep down there is not the ONENESS BEFORE THE FACE OF GOD. And aren’t the casualties many? ARE THESE NOT THE FACTS?

In the first few verses in Ephesians 6 we are told that children are to be brought up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, but will it not bring DOUBT, UNGERTAINTY and FRUSTRATION to them when they, already at a very early age, find out that one parent DOES discipline and instruct IN THE LORD (there’s the emphasis: IN THE LORD), but the other parent DOES NOT! He may discipline, but it’s not ‘in the Lord’! The child knows it, and would it not be a heavy burden for him to realise: MUM and DAD are not really one in this big area in life. It will affect the child, it must, for a mixed marriage is simply not the BEST POSSIBLE SPIRITUAL SETTING for the child to grow up in the fear of the Lord. And when he is old enough to make decisions for himself, what kind of decisions will he make?

These, congregation, are as a rule not comparatively minor decisions, such as whether to belong to this church or that church. Decisions FOR LIFE, ETERNITY may well be at stake!

Young lady, you’re still single,, but one day you may well be married and a mother. Would you not want to give your child the very best?

Of course you would! One of the very best things you can give your child is a father who loves Jesus Christ.

And that goes for you too young man. One day, in the future, you may be a father yourself. Just imagine your children would have a mother who could not even teach them to pray, because to her prayer means nothing!

Oh, these are serious matters, congregation, young people.

But there is yet a THIRD reason why MIXED MARRIAGES are NOT the Lord’s design!

Yes, it affects both partners; it affects the children; but thirdly, what does it do to the CHURCH, the KINGDOM, the COVENANT?

Didn’t that come out very clearly in those readings in Deuteronomy 7 and 2Cor.6 which we read earlier in the service? Why not a mixed marriage?

Because the believer is the LORD’S! He has been yoked together with CHRIST, and he OUGHT NOT to be yoked with an unbeliever. The believer belongs to that special, unique people: “the chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s own people”. Anything that will hinder you from declaring the wonderful deeds of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvellous light, anything that will hinder you in THAT task, is not pleasing to God.

For of necessity a mixed marriage is a NEGATIVE thing in the context of GOD’s people. It does not positively support and underline the glories of the covenant. Any marriage is going to do SOMETHING to the church, to the Kingdom; whether it be GOOD or BAD, and you’d better be very careful about that, young people. For God loves His Church, His Kingdom dearly, more than anything else in the world. What will your marriage mean to the church, the Kingdom, the covenant? Will it help in building up?

Remember the story of Balaam, the prophet, and Balak, the king of the Moabites? Balaam was asked by king Balak to curse the people of Israel, to put God’s curse upon that nation. Balaam tried three times but he could not, the Lord prevented it, it just wouldn’t work. “Ah,” said the king of the Moabites to Balaam, “Is there nothing we can do? This is a powerful nation, these Israelites. How can we weaken them? Is there hope for us?”

“I know just the trick,” said Balaam (you can read it in Numbers 31) “see to it that their boys marry your girls and their girls marry your boys!!

And it worked! Did it work…!!

(Ask the congregation to turn to these passages, and read them: Joshua 23:11-13, Nehemiah 13:23-27.)

There it is, congregation, be not yoked together with unbelievers.

Now some of you HAVE MADE that choice.

And even if you say: Yes, I can see it now, I saw it a long time ago, I was warned, but I didn’t want to listen; well, that is not going to help very much now, is it? Your marriage needs a lot of grace; well, so does ours, but yours needs it is a special way. Much prayer, much wisdom, much patience, much tact, much faithfulness. Determine before the face of God, calling daily upon Him for help, to remain standing in your faith and your convictions. Then you are exercising a definite influence; of course you are, the Bible says so. Somehow, some way, the unbelieving partner is not totally outside of the blessings of the covenant. Read what it says in 1Cor.7:14 “For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband.”

Of course it depends very much on the BELIEVING partner how effectively that is being worked out. To live a positively Christian life is hard enough in the best of circumstances; in a mixed marriage you have a big, a very big job on your hands.

But Jesus is alive, and the Holy Spirit is there, and the Bible is always open. Shall we once again look at 1Peter 3:1-2? “Likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that some, though they do not obey the Word, may be won without a word by the behaviour of their wives, when they see your reverent and chaste behaviour.” Notice how the emphasis is put on BEHAVIOUR!

You will never NAG someone into the Kingdom, certainly not your own husband or your own wife. We would not suggest that the Bible never teaches that you must NEVER TALK about spiritual matters within the setting of a mixed marriage, but ATTITUDES, seem to be very, very important.

Does your unbelieving partner see you as one who really means business for Christ?

Does your unbelieving partner see that Jesus is at work in your life?

What about all our YOUNG PEOPLE, who are still to make a choice? When you’ve chosen for Jesus, could you go against His will and make a choice (as to boy or girl-friend) you ought NOT to make? Could you remain at peace when you’re making the wrong choice, knowing that you haven’t got the Bible and the Lord on your side!

But you say: yes, but when we started going out together, I MYSELF wasn’t even so sure I wanted to be a Christian. Maybe THAT’S your problem, and it could cost you very dearly! How come that so often FIRST THINGS are not getting FIRST PLACE? Why is it that young people from covenant homes can decide about a mate for life and a job, but as far as the Lord goes, and His service, they don’t know yet.

Several young people over the years have said: “Yes, I know that he or she doesn’t love the Lord but we’ve been going with each other for so long now, we really love one another.”

Can you see where the problem lies, young people? THAT FIRST DATE, when it was just friendship. That first date is when it started, and later on there was real love, and you couldn’t stop it.

So don’t START it, don’t even set the first step! For the Lord’s sake!

For your own sake! For the Kingdom’s sake!

Are you praying about this? If there’s something standing in the need of prayer, this is it!

Are you praying that first of all you may give your love to Christ? Remember the covenant responsibilities! And those of you who do not know the Christ, why put it off any longer? The only thing that keeps you out of the Kingdom is your stubbornness. Why not humble yourself before God? Why not cry for His mercy in Jesus Christ? Why not? Yes, why not?

It’s a matter of life or death!

AMEN.