Word of Salvation – October 2010
CHRIST-HONOURING RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME, Peter Smit
(Sermon 11 of a series on Ephesians, Series Title – Ephesians: Portraits of a living church
Text – Ephesians 6:1-4
Probably the most important relationships in life are your home relationships. How parents relate to children and how children relate to parents. If relationships at home work in the way God intends, that impacts children for the rest of their lives. But the flip side is that if home relationships are destructive, or if parents are too authoritarian or permissive, or if children don’t learn to honour and respect their parents, children can be impacted for life and society as a whole suffers. Parents and children can end up living broken and shattered lives, with the brokenness flowing from one generation to the next.
So today let’s really listen to what God teaches us here about “Christ honouring relationships at home ”. God first says to children…
1. OBEY YOUR PARENTS.
What does it mean to obey?
The original Greek word here is very similar to the word for hear.
Literally to “hear under,” that is, to listen to the parents and to submit to what they say.
To obey then means to hear your parents and carry out their instructions.
Children: don’t switch off to your parents. When they give you instructions, you don’t switch off. Don’t think to yourself yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. When they tell you to do something don’t immediately reject it. But listen to it and obey it.
a) How should you obey?
In the Lord.
In this letter Paul often uses this phrase “in the Lord”.
He talks about faith in the Lord 1:15, we are a temple in the Lord 2:21, we are to be light in the Lord 5:8, children obey your parents in the Lord 6:1, to be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. 6:10
What that means is that everything we do as believers must have Jesus at the centre of it. Everything we do we do because Jesus is our Lord and Saviour. So Kids, when your parents ask you to do something, remember you must obey them because Jesus calls you to obey. Jesus set you an example by obeying his parents.
When Jesus was a young boy his parents took him to Jerusalem for the Passover feast. His family left and he was still at the temple. When the found him three days later,
His mum said,
“Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.” 49 “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.
51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them . Luke 2:49-51
How do you obey mum and dad? You do it in the Lord’s strength. You obey as Jesus did.
If you ask Jesus, he will help you to obey your mum and dad.
The Bible gives you three reasons…
b) Why you obey.
i) It’s the right thing to do.
for this is right
Have you ever seen a kid rebelling angrily against his parents? Little kids sometimes do this. They scream, squirm, yell, cry, bellow. They say no. They are rude, and proud and angry. You’ve seen them on the TV. Super nanny show.
You look at that and say, that’s not right. You know in your heart, that that is wrong. There’s no respect, no obedience, no honour.
The Bible teaches kids to respect their parents because it’s right.
If you learn to honour your parent’s authority you learn to honour all authority. Why is it that there’s so much chaos in society? Why is it that youth run around bashing old people?
Because children didn’t learn to obey their parents. They became a law to themselves. They do not respect authority, their parents or God’s authority.
Obey your parents because it’s right.
Second reason to obey is because
ii) God commands you to obey.
the first commandment with a promise
The Ten Commandments are broken up into two sections. Commands 1- 4 deal with our relationship to God. Commandments 5-10 deal with our relationship with others.
The first command that deals with our relationship to other people is this one for children to obey your parents. It’s at the top of God’s list of how you are to treat other people.
God says kids obey. Do what your parents tell you. Respect their wisdom and judgment.
God has given them more wisdom and understanding than you.
God commands you to obey your folks.
Third reason to obey is
iii) God makes a promise when you obey
the first commandment with a promise 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Two parts to the promise.
a) that it may go well with you
When kids develop this attitude of respect and honour for authority the result is that they will go far. Respectful, obedient children will normally become productive, successful adults.
Employers are seeking the respect and reliability of their workers. Someone who can be relied upon to obey commands and get the job done with a great attitude will be in line for promotion, for achieving great things. Kids if you want to achieve great things it starts by you respecting and obeying your parents today.
The other promise
b) that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Remember God gave this promise during the Old Testament. And the blessings for God’s covenant people in OT were mostly physical; Blessings on crops, land, produce, and here a long life in the land. In the NT we see that the focus is not earthly blessings but spiritual ones.
Ephesians 1:3 says that God has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
When we obey our folks in the Lord, the blessing we receive may not necessarily be a long earthly life but rather eternal life with Jesus on the new earth. Either way God promises blessing for those who obey their folks. It’s his first command with a promise.
But here’s a question. Do you obey your parents all your life? Even as an adult?
Answer : When you’re a child – you obey. When you’re an adult – you honour. You need to listen to your parent’s advice, consider it and reflect on it but before the Lord, but when you become an adult, you will be responsible for your decisions. But no matter what your age, if your parents are alive, God calls you to honour them. To care for them, respect them and love them, serve them.
That’s what God says to children, obey your mum and dad. But that’s half the story, as with husband and, wives, slaves and masters, God now addresses the other party: Parents.
God says to you parents
2. BALANCE GODLY LOVE AND DISCIPLINE IN YOUR PARENTING.
Negatively that means…
A) DO NOT EXASPERATE
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children;
The word “ pater ” for “Father” in Gk can mean dads or it can also refer to parents, both mother and father.
So while it is literally addressed to fathers, this command applies to mums and dads.
do not exasperate
Literally this phrase it reads “do not provoke, (enrage, exasperate) your children to anger” . Don’t be so heavy-handed and unreasonable with your children that they are driven to a helpless state of frustration and anger.
How can parents do this?
Parents can exasperate and anger their kids in any number of ways. The primary way:
i) When parents are not filled with the Holy Spirit.
When they don’t obey the command in Ephesians 5:18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.
When in a “Christian family” a parent is not regularly being filled with the Holy Spirit of the living Christ, then there is no spiritual power or spiritual control in the parent’s life. The primary virtue that a child needs to learn is “self control”. It influences every other thing, kindness, gentleness, right speech, controlling negative emotions, concentrating, and every other behaviour flows from virtue of self control. It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.
As we saw in an earlier sermon a when people get drunk, they are uncontrolled. Alcohol depresses a person. Their higher reason faculties are depressed, and they are literally out of control. But the person who is filled with God’s word and Spirit, will bear spiritual fruit.
You will see love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control flowing in their lives. It comes from someone being filled with the Spirit.
So parents, be filled with Christ’s word and ask him to fill you daily with his Holy Spirit.
This is critical for a Christian parent. Only Christ in you will enable you to balance godly love and godly discipline for your children.
There are other ways parents can exasperate children.
ii) When parents don’t obey the commands to wives and husbands in Eph 5.
The greatest security that children need is parents who will live out their faith in their marriage. Husbands cherishing wives, nurturing them, sacrificing themselves to meet their wives emotional needs. Wives submitting to and serving their husbands with physical connection and love.
iii) When parents discipline in a rage that’s out of control.
This does not reflect the self control of the Spirit. Yes there are times to be angry, but when discipline is always given in anger that leads to exasperation.
iv) When there is no consistency in discipline.
When parents continually change the rules, move the goal posts; when discipline is dictated by the parent’s particular mood at the moment rather than clear reasons and godly wisdom.
v) When a parent is hypocritical and selfish.
They say one thing but do another. This leads to despair in children. Or when parents are just not interested in their child but only in themselves.
vi) When parents are unreasonable
When they won’t take into consideration the circumstance or age of the kids and the discipline is too harsh, or unbending or unwilling to listen to a reasonable case or explanation given by a child. I remember a shocking example of this once when mother started really slapping harshly into her young child for accidently spilling something at the dinner table. It was unreasonable. It was harsh and unloving.
They are some negatives about what not to do.
But God’s word also gives us positives. What we should do.
Positively.
B) BRING THEM UP IN TRAINING AND INSTRUCTION
i) Training:
Parents your role is to train your child to moral maturity , to teach them the Lord’s commands for living and to train them to that standard. Sometimes this training requires discipline, appropriate punishment or admonition, but it must always be done with encouragement and support.
So parents: God calls you train you children for a godly life. Recognise that, like us, their hearts are sinful. The Bible says we’re born in sin, with a rebellious attitude to God. And before God comes and regenerates our hearts by his Holy Spirit, the Bible says we are spiritually dead. But faith comes by hearing the word. That’s why the second part of this command is so important. Because God can use you to bring them to faith.
You must bring them up in training and instruction .
ii) Instruction:
This word means to provide instruction to correct behavior and belief—‘to instruct, to teach, instruction, teaching.”
Fathers and mothers, God calls you to teach your kids his ways. To build in the heart of your child an understanding of what God says is right and wrong. God calls you to t each them his word. Dads, you are called to be spiritual leaders in your home. Open the Bible with your kids and teach them what it means to follow Christ. Teach them that they need to repent and believe the good news. Model the Christian life.
Grow yourself by reading God’s word and asking for his Spirit to fill you.
Parents we need to do more than know the word, we’re called to apply the word and live the word for our kids. Ultimately this training and instruction must…
C) POINT THEM TO THE LORD.
Training and instruction of the Lord.
Parents remember you cannot save your kids. You cannot work to make them be born again. That is God’s work. Only he can make them alive with Christ, only he can give them a new heart and spirit. But you can point them to him. By your balanced loving and firm discipline, your faithful instruction and by your modelling a Christian life filled with the Spirit, God can use you to be a powerful witness to your child.
When you obey these commands, love your husband or wife, love your children and ensure discipline doesn’t exasperate them but build them up in the training and instruction of the Lord, then you will point them to the Lord.
When kids obey their parents and parents lovingly discipline and instruct their children in God’s ways then God blesses those families for generations to come.
In the 1700’s two contemporary men lived very different lives
Jonathan Edwards 1703–1758 and Max Dukes (born 1700)
Max Dukes was an unbeliever who married an unsaved woman. They neither honoured God nor lived principled lives. Amongst their 1200 known descendants: 310 were professional vagrants, 440 wrecked their lives by wild living, 130 went to jail (7 for murder, average age 13 years), over 100 became alcoholics, 60 were habitual thieves, 190 prostitutes. Twenty became tradesmen, 10 of whom learned their trade in jail. The researcher who compiled these statistics estimated that Max Dukes’ descendants cost the state of New York $1.5 million.
There is a record of a great man of God, Jonathan Edwards (who was a preacher and theologian) was a man wholly devoted to Jesus Christ. He lived at the same time as Max Jukes, but he married a godly girl. On their wedding night they committed their marriage to the Lord. An investigation was made of 1,394 known descendants of Jonathan Edwards of which 13 became college presidents, 65 college professors, 3 United States senators, 30 judges, 100 lawyers, 60 physicians, 75 army and navy officers, 100 preachers and missionaries, 60 authors of prominence, one a vice-president of the United States, 80 became public officials in other capacities, 295 college graduates, among whom were governors of states and ministers to foreign countries. His descendants did not cost the state a single penny.” Al Sanders in Crisis in Morality !
Today God can use you to leave that sort of legacy as you seek God and rely on him so that you can live Christ-honouring relationships at home.
Pray.
“How blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments. His descendants will be mighty on earth; the generation of the upright will be blessed” – Psalm 112:1-2.