Word of Salvation – September 2026
Title: Christian Marriage in a Broken World
Sermon by Rev Jesse Gollan
Series: How to Survive in a Hostile World
Passage: 1 Peter 3:1-7
Christian Marriage in a Broken World
Today’s passage is one of the most countercultural passages in the Bible for the modern Australian culture. The modern Australian culture is leaning very hard into the idea that there are no differences between men and women, except for (and even this is becoming more controversial) their physical bodies.
In Australia, it is considered offensive to even suggest that God wants men and women to glorify him in different ways. To suggest that men and women are not identical in every way is massively countercultural. But that is exactly what God does in this passage.
And he goes further; he doesn’t just say that men and women are different from each other. He says that he wants them to glorify him in different ways by fulfilling different roles, in particular, in marriage. Today’s passage is about how Christians are meant to live out marriage in a broken world.
Instructions to Wives
First, he speaks to women, and then men. The reason he has more words for women is because Christian wives who were the only believer in their family were in a much more difficult position that Christian husbands who were the only believer in their family.And that is primarily who Peter is speaking to here even though there are some lessons for women who are married to Christian men and indeed for every believer regardless of gender or marriage status.
These Christian women had the very real problem of wondering what they should do. They had become believers, but their husbands were idol worshippers; they were pagans. And in the ancient world, it was a very difficult thing to be a Christian wife in a non-Christian family.
Because the husband, the father of the home, had the job of choosing the family god. If the husband and father worshipped Zeus, everyone would worship Zeus, and if the husband and father worshipped Ares, the household would worship Ares.
But when a wife became a follower of Jesus, she had to say, “I cannot worship those pagan idols anymore, because I serve the one true God.” And so these wives were wondering whether to divorce their husbands – or to look down on them – or to try to seduce them into Christianity – or to somehow try to argue them into becoming followers of Jesus… or what to do?
And it’s particularly interesting that God’s instruction here, and it’s echoed elsewhere in the Bible, is that God does not want the believing wife to divorce her unbelieving husband. He only wants them to separate if their spouse will not continue in the marriage with them anymore because of their love for Christ.
Let me read the first couple of verses of our passage:
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing that you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
“For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”
Peter here is talking to believing Christian women who are married to unbelievers. And he has basically three things to say to them. Two of them apply even if you are not married, and even if you’re not a woman:
- The first thing that he says is that they should seek to win their husbands for the Lord primarily by their actions, by their transformed life. By allowing the fruit of the Spirit to take over their lives. He actually says that should be the primary evangelism strategy; that they should preach by their life rather than by their words.
And friends, I just want to suggest to you that usually with close family members—a husband, a wife, a mother, a father, a child, a sibling, and even close friends—the most effective evangelism strategy is not going to be eloquent words. It is going to be the testimony of your changed, transformed, and heavenly, Christ-like, Holy Spirit-infused life.
God is not forbidding you from speaking about the good news to close family and close friends. But this passage says that that should not be your main evangelism strategy.
Do you really want your family and closest friends to become followers of Jesus? Probably the best thing that you can do is to press deeply, sacrificially, and wholeheartedly into Christ. Allow him to transform every part of your life, so that your life becomes a walking advertisement for the joy and the peace and the otherworldly transformation towards holiness that God brings about in the lives of his adopted children.
- The second thing that Peter talks about is in verse 3, where he says:
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing that you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
God is not telling Christian women to dress like nuns or like Amish people. We know that for at least two reasons:
(Genesis 24:53)
- The first reason is what is said in chapter 3, verse 5, where it says, “For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.” And then there’s the example of Sarah in verse 6. Also, Abraham sent jewellery as a gift to their future daughter-in-law—gold jewellery to be exact.
- And the second reason that we can know God is not instructing women to dress like nuns or Amish people when they become believers is because that would not be respectful towards their unbelieving husbands.
What God is saying through Peter is that believing women who are married to unbelievers should be much more focused on the imperishable beauty than the perishable beauty that will pass away as the years wear on. And specifically, I think Peter is saying that attempting to seduce your husband into the kingdom by external beauty is a bad strategy.
In other words, he is again saying that YOU need to press wholeheartedly into Jesus. You need to become the person that Jesus wants you to be. You need to allow yourself to be transformed so that you are reflecting the light and the beauty and the glory of the living God in the way that you live your life.
Because he’s speaking to wives, he specifically raises two things:
- He talks about having a gentle and quiet spirit.
- And submitting to her own husband.
And I just want to point out that Sarah, in verse 6, was used as the example of a holy woman of God who did this. And we know from the Scriptures that Sarah was a pretty feisty and confident woman. She wasn’t what someone would consider to be a doormat.
But we also know that she supported and upheld the leadership of her husband. And that’s Peter’s third kind of instruction that is more particular to Christian wives.
- Peter is specifically speaking to Christian wives who are married to non-Christian men, but it applies to all Christian wives. God is saying that even if your husband is not a Christian man, he wants you to support and uphold his leadership in your home.
Of course, that does not mean following your husband into sin. The Christian wife cannot and should not worship idols, or do any other sinful thing.
It’s just like in chapter 2, where God gives instructions for believers—men and women—to submit to the government, even when the government is not a perfect government. God isn’t saying that if the government instructs you to sin, you must obey that instruction.
And the same is true in marriage. God is saying that the only accusation of a husband against a Christian wife should be that she is a follower of Jesus and will not betray Jesus by idol-worship or sin, not that she is disruptive or rebellious or argumentative or against him.
Instructions to Husbands
Peter then switches gears in verse 7, and he speaks to believing husbands. Both believing husbands who have Christian wives, and believing husbands who have non-Christian wives, listen to what God says:
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers might not be hindered.”
A lot of people mistakenly think that this verse means that women are less valuable than men because of the phrase “weaker vessel.” But that is a complete misunderstanding of what God is saying here.
I was praying about it and thinking about it this weekend, and an image came to my mind of two different types of ancient pottery. One is an extremely valuable vase that is beautiful and elegant, made out of fine china, and the other is a robust, thick, but not very beautiful vase. Both pots—vases—are useful for different purposes.
The fact that they are different from each other and intended for different purposes does not mean that one is useless and another is more valuable. The fact that the simple but robust pot would damage the other pot if you smash them together does not mean that it is more valuable; they are simply different, created differently for different purposes.
And in this verse, God is saying specifically to husbands that they need to live with their wives in an understanding way, and even honour their wives in their differences. Protecting them and caring for them, God is specifically saying that men need to recognize the differences between themselves and their wives. And they need to go out of their way to love and care for their wives because it is God himself who has made them differently.
And God wants there to be differences between men and women. Because, as God explains in this verse, men are no more valuable than women. It says in the middle of verse 7, do this because they are heirs with you of the grace of life.
In other words, both husbands and wives, men and women, are adopted into the family of God. A good father loves both his sons and his daughters.
The fact that they are different from each other and have different strengths does not mean that one is more valuable to a good father or one is less valuable. They are both his beloved children.
And in this verse, God is specifically saying that even though he has made men and women differently, that does not mean that one is less valuable than the other – because he is explicitly pointing out that he has adopted both men and women into his family. And that he does not want us to make the mistake of thinking that one or another is more valuable than the first. That would be offensive to him.
And unlike for the wives who were married to unbelieving husbands, God has a final warning for believing husbands at the end of this passage. He says, “do this so that your prayers might not be hindered,” which is interesting and scary.
Peter talks about hindered prayer just a couple of verses later, and I’m going to read it for us because it helps us to understand the gravity of the warning here in verse 7. In 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 12, God says through Peter:
“For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
In other words, if you abuse your wife, if you treat your wife cruelly, if you take advantage of your differences in order to mistreat your wife, the Lord does not count you among the righteous. He counts you among those who do evil.
You are revealing it by your actions. If you do not live with your wife in an understanding way, showing honor to her as a weaker vessel, you are showing the gospel has not penetrated and transformed your heart.
You are revealing that your citizenship is not in heaven because your life is patterned after broken, evil, and sinful human patterns. You are revealing you have knowledge about God, but that you do not have saving faith which has transformed your heart and your mind.
This is very serious here, brothers. God is saying that it is hugely important to him that you are gentle, kind, loving, understanding, and honouring towards your wife.
And friends, this is particularly important in a Christian marriage where the wife is trying to uphold and support the leadership of her husband in their family. If you take advantage of her, your very soul is in grave danger.
There is no room in the kingdom of God for husbands who abuse and mistreat their wives. Such men are not counted amongst the righteous, but amongst the evil. And they will receive the punishment that God has in store for all those who are in rebellion against him unless they repent.
A Radically Different Life
In the first chapters of his letter, Peter has laid down the foundation. The engine for us to live this radically different life than the world around us.
Normally, people feel like they need to look out for number one. Normally, people feel like they only have one life, and they need to maximize the sensation of pleasure. But the Christian is totally different.
Because of Christ’s death for us, because we are forgiven, because God has won the victory for us, we don’t need to be afraid of eternity anymore. We can afford to glorify God even when it is hard, even when it costs us.
(Ephesians 5:25) A husband can afford to, as they are instructed in Ephesians chapter 5, lay down his life for his wife, just like Christ laid down his life for Christians. Even when his wife is not a Christian, and does not, by the standards of the world, even deserve his love or his sacrifice… just like no Christian deserved by their own merit for Christ to sacrifice his life for them.
And the opposite is true as well. Women can support and uphold the leadership of their husbands, even if their husbands are not believers.
We are citizens of God’s Kingdom, and the patterns in God’s kingdom are not the broken, sinful patterns of a world that is in rebellion against God.
God’s instructions are good… designed for human flourishing… not for human misery. Because We know that our eternity is safe in God’s hands… we can afford to live according to Kingdom patterns even now… even when we are in less than perfect situations… because our eternal destiny is secure as the adopted children of the eternal ruler of the universe.
It’s actually good news. Humans are in a difficult position, because if God didn’t save us then the logical thing to do would be to continue in our sin… continue maximizing pleasure until the eternal judgment when there will be no more pleasure.
However… because Jesus died for us, we can start living as Kingdom citizens according to Kingdom patterns even now in a broken world… because even though the world is broken and there is still sin and pain and suffering, it is not forever.
Our Saviour is coming back, and when he does every Christian, living or dead, will be given a new body and will spend eternity enjoying the goodness of God.
We can afford to glorify God by living according to his perfect patterns that are designed for human flourishing, even in a broken and imperfect world.
Even if our husband or wife never becomes a believer, we are bringing glory to God by doing our best to live as he designed for us to live, and that alone is a worthwhile goal.
I just want to say one more thing before we finish. It is for everyone, whether you are married or not.
So often, women encourage each other to do the opposite of “support the leadership of their husbands.” Sometimes it’s almost considered a boast when someone says “she really wears the pants in that family.”
Also… so often, men can get together and instead of honoring their wives as created differently but valuably by God… they disparage or laugh about or belittle their wives.
So often it is normal for friends to encourage or participate in these kinds of attitudes, whether married or not.
If you are a Christian, if you are a citizen in Heaven, such talk has no right to come out of your mouth.
You should uphold Kingdom patterns, and help your married brothers and sisters to glorify God and live out his perfect design for marriage.
To encourage your brothers and sisters to live and act according to the broken and sinful patterns of the world is to be rejecting their and your identity as adopted children of God’s perfect and holy family… to be rejecting your identity as citizens of Heaven who live according to heavenly customs, not according to the brokenness of the world.
Don’t do that. God is so good. His plans for us are good. His designs for marriage are good… and he is glorified when we believe him and trust him and obey him.
If God died for you because he loves you, you can be certain that he is not a cruel God, or an uncaring God, or a mischievous God.
No. He is your Heavenly Father, who loves you more than you can ever understand, who has demonstrated his love for you by dying for you, so that you might be freed from slavery to sin and Satan. You can trust him. You can obey him. You can set aside your fear and do your best to live according to his patterns and his designs and for his glory… because he has your back. He has promised that if you are in his family, your destiny is to proclaim his excellencies for all of eternity. To receive goodness from him, and be thankful to him, for trillions upon trillions of years.
Let’s Pray.