Word of Salvation – Vol. 25 No. 08 – November 1978
God’s Word – Parents And Children
Sermon by Rev. K. V. Warren, B.A., B.D., M.Th. on Ephesians 6:1-3, Colossians 3:20
Scripture reading: Hebrews 12:1-14
Psalter Hymnal: 14:1, 3; 308; 235:1-3; 395; 490
Congregation in our Lord,
“Fathers, do not provoke your children”.
But there is something else we must have a look at FIRST, it’s very important, and it still has something to do with the previous sermon about “Children, obey your parents in the Lord”, and it is all about the context of God’s pattern for the Christian family, for the covenant family.
There is one question that we haven’t answered yet, young people, and that is this: How can young people like you (not always obedient, right?), how can they ever be ACCEPTED by God, how can they ever go to heaven?
Does that question surprise you somewhat?
What has disobeying your Mum and Dad to do with going to heaven? Well, look at it this way: it’s ONE OF THE COMMANDMENTS, the fifth one: Honour your father and your mother…! – that’s the law, that’s God’s law, and when you break that law, God CANNOT accept you, right? For God asks PERFECTION! God is holy, pure, perfect. He can never accept HALF-HEARTED OBEDIENCE or WHOLE-HEARTED DISOBEDIENCE, as good enough!
If you want to go to heaven, if you want to live on the new earth, PERFECTION is the standard! If you come with anything less than PERFECT OBEDIENCE, what chance do you have? Now, you all know the answer, young people? Right! JESUS FORGIVES! When you confess your disobedience, the door to God is open.
JESUS IS THE DOOR.
All these times that you disobey, within the Christian family, THROUGH CHRIST THERE IS FORGIVENESS!
And there is even more, young people, there’s even more! Listen well!
When you believe Christ, to be the Saviour and Lord, God sees you AS IF you have NEVER been disobedient, AS IF YOU YOURSELF had done everything which Christ has done, in His doing and dying!
And what did He do when it comes to OBEDIENCE? Here’s an example: in Luke 2 we read: “Jesus went down with His parents and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them.” Now you may be sure that Jesus was PERFECTLY obedient. That He obeyed God’s law one hundred percent! See, Jesus didn’t only come to die on the cross, that’s what we often say, but we forget that He also CAME TO LIVE A PERFECT LIFE! The life that WE should live, and don’t measure up to. CHRIST LIVED THAT LIFE! The obedience that we should show and often do not, CHRIST DID IT!
Doesn’t that make you very happy to know that?! By faith, first of all, God forgives your disobedience, BUT ALSO, God sees you AS IF you had been as perfectly obedient AS CHRIST WAS TO HIS PARENTS, when HE was on earth.
DOESN’T FAITH IN JESUS HAVE BEAUTIFUL RESULTS?
(Ask the congregation to turn to question and answer 60 of the Heidelberg Catechism, on page 31, and read it with them.
Could you think of a BETTER REASON to be obedient to your parents?
Now it says HERE, THEN ALSO in the Bible, that FATHERS should not provoke their children. See, that’s the splendour of the Word of God, no one can say it has nothing special to say to me. The COMPLETE Christian family stands under the authority of God’s Word.
The word which translated ‘FATHERS’ here, may also be translated as ‘PARENTS; not ‘fathers’ but ‘parents’; but in this case it should be ‘FATHERS’, for in verse 1 of Ephesians 6, THERE the apostle uses a DIFFERENT WORD for PARENTS, this here is ‘fathers’, vs.4: “FATHERS, DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDEREN TO ANGER.”
Well, maybe with FATHERS it comes a little bit easier to provoke their children. Although, of course, MOTHERS are included just the same. We can’t say: this here is STRICTLY for fathers, and mothers have nothing to do with it. But the emphasis IS on the father, for ultimately the FATHER IS RESPONSIBLE! As we saw several weeks ago, a family is somewhat like an organisation, and in any organisation you can pass the buck, as they say. But there is, of course, a PERSON WHERE THE BUCK STOPS, where you simply can’t go on finding someone else to be responsible.
In the family, the FATHER is where the buck stops! God holds him responsible! Look, for example, at the requirement for elders. In 1Timothy 3:4-5 we read: “He must manage his own household well, keeping his children submissive and respectful in every way; for is a man does not know how to manage his own household, how can he care for God’s church?”
Right, the father has the ultimate responsibility before God, but in the daily family affairs BOTH DAD AND MUM are involved! Very much, of course. Says the Word: DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANGER, do not IRRITATE them, do not GREATLY ANNOY them, do not EXASPERATE them, these are other meanings.
In the twin passage, Colossians 3, there’s another word used, although it’s also translated by ‘PROVOKE’, but the meaning there really is ‘STIRRING UP’. Now you can stir up someone in TWO ways:
You can stir him up for GOOD THINGS, OR you can stir him up for EVIL, and THAT’S the meaning here.
Don’t stir up your child in a negative way, don’t embitter your child, don’t irritate your child, don’t stir him up to anger. That sounds good, young people, doesn’t it?
“John, I told you before that you’re not to take that much peanut butter on your sandwich!” Easy Mum, easy now, you’re not allowed to make me angry.
“Hey son, could you mow the back lawn this afternoon?” Dad, you know you’re not supposed to irritate me.
“Mary, you didn’t make your bed before you went to school this morning.” But Mum, you’re not allowed to annoy me, don’t you know that?
Well, putting all jokes aside, do you think THAT’S what it means?
Do not provoke your children to anger: is it just a bit of advice as to how to keep the peace in the home, and live in harmony as a family? But we wouldn’t have to turn to the Bible for that advice! Then you can just as well go to such material as the Women’s Weekly, Woman’s Day, Reader’s Digest; you know the type of magazine. By the way, these magazines often seem to have more authority for many Australian people than the Bible itself.
What does the Bible mean to say here? Are parents never allowed to irritate their children, make them angry? Is that all the advice which is given? Of course not! What is the CONTEXT? What is the SETTING?
It is the Christian family, right, the covenant family. Remember how it was said even to the children: obey your parents IN THE LORD! And in Ephesians 6:4 it talks about the DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION of the Lord. THAT’S the framework, THAT’S the setting: obeying, instructing, disciplining, and in THAT CONTEXT Paul says of your children: don’t provoke, don’t embitter, don’t stir them up the wrong way.
What he means to say is: parents, when you ask obedience, parents, when you are disciplining, when you are instructing, make sure HOW you do it, be careful that you do it properly, because if you don’t your child may become VERY DISCOURAGED, that’s Colossians 3:21.
So Paul says in effect: Yes, parents in the Christian home, your children are to obey, your children are to be disciplined, but it’s simply not true that ANY discipline will do, YOU COULD DISCOURAGE the child.
The apostle writes to the Colossian congregation: You could break the spirit of the child, you could take the heart out of the child. How often, congregation, would UNWISE discipline have done just THAT, even in Christian families! How many ways there are to discourage a child!
May we just quickly mention some of these ways?
– OVER-DISCIPLINE, over-correcting, being harsh, unreasonable.
– Or UNDER-DISCIPLINE, too lax, too sloppy, creating uncertainty and insecurity in the child by NOT setting rules for behaviour, having fickle rules in the home. Rules which can change from day to day. Rules WHICH ARE SET AND NOT ENFORCED. The child does not know, then, where to stand or what exactly to stick to. That discourages, that irritates, that provokes.
– Or when Mum and Dad disagree IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN, about what should be the right way, a divided authority.
– Or FAVOURITISM in the home; remember the strife in Isaac and Rebecca’s home, with Jacob and Esau: Favouritism.
– Or not using the rod when it should be used, warning that discipline is to come if such and such is done and when it is done, when the child DOES disobey, punishment doesn’t follow, discipline is not administered. THAT is provoking the child, laying foundation for future irritation and annoyance. And God says: THAT is not to be the way!
– Or not giving ENCOURAGEMENT to the child when it should be given. Too often being negative, too often criticising, and hardly ever any praise, even when Johnny for once DID remember to clean his shoes. So he becomes discouraged: I can’t do any good anyway. And when he’s a big teenager he may give up altogether.
What WISDOM is needed, parents, to NOT provoke our children, to NOT make them lose heart, to NOT discourage them, and what an advantage when you can discuss these things together as parents, father and mother together, wisely, calmly, talking things over, praying them through, mapping out your program for the family.
What a marvellous thing when parents at times can say: I’M SORRY, to their children, when they, the parents, DID make a mistake, when they were UNFAIR, or when there was punishment and it had NOT been deserved.
Young people, are you talking these things over already together? When you’re going steady, when you’re engaged. There’s an extremely important task ahead.
What wisdom is needed! NOT to discourage, NOT to provoke and at the same time DO what the Bible says: bringing children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
That word ‘to bring up’ has the meaning of NOURISHING, PROMOTING HEALTH, BUILDING UP STRENGTH.
There it is: NOURISHING the children, being instrumental in seeing them grow up as mature members of the covenant.
Note the two words used in Eph.6:4: DISCIPLINE and INSTRUCTION.
With DISCIPLINE we are to think of a definite plan, training with a structure. A program with discipline, and boundaries which are set for the child, something that parents decided on, THAT’S what will be the setting in our home. Because this is the way we believe we must be responsible towards God, AND our child!
We must understand the word ‘discipline’ here, in the context of what is being DONE to and for the child. How important that father and mother map this out together, talk about it, pray about it.
The other word in verse 4 is the word INSTRUCTION. It makes us think of giving information, parents passing on certain insights to the children, correcting and moulding with WORDS, when something is wrong and must be changed. So, this word ‘instruction’ we must see in the context of what is SAID to the child. Speaking, addressing to the mind, establishing a conviction within a child.
How important that parents and children talk, that there is communication, that parents do their utmost, even when the children may be in a DIFFICULT period of their lives, to keep these communication channels open! And…. all this discipline and instruction is to be: OF THE LORD!
THAT, of course, lifts it immediately high above any kind of moralising; it sets it on a level which could well be far removed from that of the child psychologist and educationalist. It is to be OF THE LORD!
That is to be the QUALITY of the discipline and instruction.
It is to be according to the Word of God, it is to be humbly sought in prayer before His face, it is to be such that the Lord will add His blessing to what parents are busy with in the covenant home. Indeed, disciplining and instructing our children UNTO THE LORD!
AMEN.