Word of Salvation – Vol. 36 No. 1 – January 1991

 

God’s Will Concerning Human Sexuality

 

Sermon by Rev. M. P. Geluk on Lord’s Day 41

Scripture Readings: Genesis 2:18-25;
            Matthew 5:27-30; 1Corinthians 7:1-9; 32-35

 

There is no denying that this generation continues to be heavily exposed to sexuality.  Along with books and magazines on food and cooking, cars and electronics, the shops also have an ample display of materials dealing explicitly with sex.  Quite often the sex magazines are cleverly placed so that the person coming into the shop cannot miss seeing them.  But it is also possible that people notice them because they are instinctively on the lookout for them.  Because of the AIDS scare people now refer to condoms as openly as they do to anything else that has become part of life in today’s world.  They are just another item on the supermarket shelf.  Homosexuality is a term that even children know the meaning of.  Most people these days seem to know more about the mechanics of sex than they do about other things.

Twenty-five years ago it was easy to pick up a book that told you all about love, responsibility and faithfulness in marriage, but very little about the sexual side of marriage.  Nowadays you have no difficulty at all finding books that tell and show you just about every detail on sex imaginable, but hardly a word about life-long marriage, real love, affection, caring and God.

We should not now try to decide which time we think is better or worse but rather we ought to concern ourselves with God and our salvation.  It is true, one’s relationship with God can suffer terribly because of sexual sins.  To belong to God and to be saved from His wrath upon sin is a beautiful thing and gives great peace of mind, but that very salvation we so much treasure can be placed in great peril when we allow sex to dominate us and cause us to do wrong.

Christians must not think, as the world often does, that God and sex are totally opposite.  Quite to the contrary, the Word of God has much to say about human sexuality.  The fact remains that with the creation of male and female, God thought of sex first.  Sexuality is as much a part of us as are our minds and bodies.  These were all given to us by God.

But it is also a fact that in this fallen world sexuality has often ceased to be a blessing and has become a problem and a burden.  Continually fed one-sided and even false information by the world, and prone to disobedience because of our sinful natures, even Christians can be confused and guilt- ridden in matters regarding sex.

It is therefore for our own good and for the well-being of our spirituality that we learn from God about sexuality.  Yes, make no mistake about it, spirituality and sexuality are not two completely separate parts of our being but they are closely related.  If we are not ruled over by Jesus Christ then the expression of our sexuality will not follow God’s design and purpose.  Sexual behaviour that is shaped and guided by the standards of the world will cause us to drift away from God.  It’s important, therefore, to listen again to God’s will in the seventh commandment concerning human sexuality.

In the first place we hear the broader application of this commandment; in the second place we see that God-given sexuality is to be enjoyed but there are limits and thirdly we pay attention to singleness with regard to sex and love.

1.

Firstly then, let us note the broader application of the seventh commandment which speaks about our sexuality.

As you know, God says: Do not commit adultery.  For the sake of clarity we should note that adultery is a sin that only those who are married can commit.  Adultery takes place when a married man or woman, that is, a husband or a wife, has a sexual relationship with another person.  When people who are not married sleep with someone of the opposite or of the same sex, then that’s called fornication.

No one needs to tell you that in our society adulterers and fornicators are tolerated.  No one seems to mind and it is just too bad for those who get hurt.  The health authorities are deeply concerned, of course that a permissive society such as ours has caused an alarming increase in sexual diseases.  The whole AIDS epidemic is starting to cost millions of dollars as more victims of the dreaded disease need medical treatment.  Health and life insurance companies increase their premiums in the expectation of more and more people getting the disease and dying from it.  Faced with this terrible prospect of a bleak and costly future, you would expect the authorities to at least give some serious consideration to the biblical teaching on sex.  But this is not happening.  Mostly what people in society are getting from the government is a warning about the dangers of having multiple sex partners and a massive condom contraceptive advertising campaign.

Thank God that the Christian church is giving a clearer sound than what the nations’ leaders are able to come up with.  Many responsible Christians are saying again what the Bible has always been teaching, namely, that sex belongs to marriage and therefore all sexual relationships that take place before or outside marriage will do a lot of physical, spiritual and emotional harm.

The NSW Christian Medical Fellowship has prepared an excellent statement called ‘The Real Facts about AIDS and the SAFE Alternative’.  And the safe alternative is not condoms and fewer sexual partners but a lasting marriage and a caring family.  The conclusion of this statement reads as follows:

“The biblical teaching supports chastity for men and women before marriage and fidelity in marriage with life-long commitment to each other and to the children of the marriage, as the ideal for all.  It also condemns sexual acts between people of the same sex.  As Christian doctors we not why accept [JW: obviously a typo! Suggested reading: “we not only accept”] the biblical teaching but we have sound scientific support for its medical accuracy.  It is the best way to prevent all sexually transmitted diseases and is the most.  fulfilling and satisfying way for both to meet sexual needs and to provide care for families and children.”

The call for chaste and decent living is there also in the Catechism’s summing up of Scripture’s teaching on the seventh commandment.  Lord’s Day 41 says that:

‘God condemns all unchastity.  We should therefore thoroughly detest it and, married or single, live decent and chaste lives.  We are temples of the Holy Spirit body and soul, and God wants both to be kept clean and holy.  That is why He forbids everything which incites unchastity whether it be actions, looks, talk, thought or desires.’

In saying, ‘you shall not commit adultery’, God was not just thinking of the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases.  God wants to protect marriage and He forbids sexual relationships before and outside marriage.  But not just for the sake of physical purity but also for purity of heart and mind.

And yet the sexual drives that God has put within the human being can be powerful.  Not everyone is the same of course, and some are experiencing stronger desires than others.  But if one finds it difficult to remain obedient to God in matters relating to sex, then such a one should be careful not to blame God for not being able to cope.  Rather, it is what people have made of society.  The emphasis on sex is found everywhere, in advertising, in fashion, in the movie industry and so on.  A lot of money is being made out of sex.  Clever and unscrupulous people are out to manipulate your sexual drive and desires.  And we should further realize that Satan will not hesitate to use sexual temptation in order to tear us away from God.

How then can the Christian cope in this sex-saturated age?  How can we be a people of God who are pure in body and mind?

2.

Let us in the second place see that our sexuality is God-given and to be enjoyed, but there are limits.  We can clearly see from Genesis 2 that for Adam and Eve to be male and female was not a problem but a source of enjoyment and well-being.  Adam and Eve rejoiced in each other and God had pleasure that He made a man and a woman.  He said that a man should leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and become one flesh.

But as we have all found out, the fall into sin has also deeply affected our sexuality.  Reading on from Genesis 1 and 2 one will come across stories about lust, adultery, fornication, prostitution and incest.  Some people are surprised to find these things in the Bible.  Expecting the Bible to be a holy book about God they also discover it to be a shockingly truthful book about the sins of men and women.

Perhaps the most unsettling discovery a person can make when reading in the Bible about the sins people commit, yes, also sexual sins, is the discovery that sins committed with the sexual parts of our body begin in the mind.  In fact, all sin has its origin in the mind.

When Jesus, for example, refers to the sin of adultery, He straightaway speaks of lust.  And lust begins in our mind.  Looking lustfully at another person is quite different from longing.  You cannot help longing for the person you love.  Longing is normal and natural because it is the way God made us.  Longing can come to sexual expression when the person you love happens to be your husband or wife.  But if the person you love is not married to you, and therefore does not belong to you, then your longing for that person has to be held in check.  If you allow longing to turn into lust then you have ceased to love the other person.  Lust is being preoccupied with gratification of your own sexual desires.  The other person after whom you are lusting becomes a mere object and a means to satisfy your lust.

The Lord Jesus needs to be taken seriously when He calls for self-denial.  If we find our longing turning into lust then we must put the temptation away from us, or if that is not possible, then remove ourselves from the temptation.  Not doing what the Lord says will allow lust to control us and in the end it will destroy.  Because lust that has been given in to and satisfied, leaves the person lonely and miserable.  There was no love and we cannot survive if we do not love God and the neighbour.

Love and sexual longing need another person of the opposite sex in order to find fulfilment.  But if the time for fulfilment is not there, for whatever reason, then love and longing must wait.

In this connection we can see why pornography is harmful to people.  There is no love involved, except for the love of money by those who help produce it.  But that is an evil love.  And those who become involved in the purchasing and seeing of pornography will find that an interest in sex for the sake of sex leads to all sorts of personal problems.  Lust becomes harder to control.  Loneliness increases, for there is really no other person to love.  In such loneliness it is not uncommon for a person to turn to oneself for sexual gratification.  I am now referring to the problem of masturbation.  It is not the way to come to terms with one’s sexuality.  It is self-centred sex without love and it fails to satisfy the need to love and be loved by another person.  God meant the sex act to come to expression between two people in marriage.  Masturbation is therefore not the answer in learning to cope with one’s sexuality.

We find, then, that we are often caught up in a struggle between denial and giving in; between self-discipline and self-indulgence, between what the Word of God teaches and what the world advises.  And in our failure to be obedient to God we are made to feel worse by our burden of guilt and sense of shame as a result of things in our personal lives going wrong.  Sometimes we become so confused that we don’t know what to think any more.  We may even think that God is sick and tired of us and our personal relationship with the Lord suffers.  In this way people start to believe that sexuality is not really a blessing but a problem, and for some a huge one at that.  But as we know from Genesis sexuality is a gift from God.  It is, therefore, a blessing and we must look to God for guidance to get us back on the right track.

In Scripture we find that God has placed limitations on sex.  That is not unusual.  God, in fact, has done the same with other gifts.  Food and drink, for example, are also gifts from God.  We may enjoy them, but too much food and drink or the wrong kinds of food and drink are dangerous for us.  God warns against gluttony and drunkenness.  Hence we must follow God’s rules with regard to His gifts of food and drink.  It is the same with our possessions.  We may enjoy them but the Lord warns against greed and selfishness.

Therefore, with all of God’s gifts, including sexuality, we must accept God’s wise rules about them.  These rules give both freedom and limitations.

And so, with regard to sex, there is the limit of love and marriage.  It is a gift that may be freely enjoyed in marriage.  Take this gift away from marriage and you run into trouble sooner or later.  The sexual act is meant to be more than just a physical outlet for human desire.  It needs a loving personal relationship, surrounded by the security of a legal and lasting bond of marriage.

Your deepest self needs to be involved, not just when you give expression to sexual desire, but all the time.  Sex involves a husband and wife in an emotional and spiritual bonding, as well as a physical one, and that calls for life-long commitment.

Pre-marital sex, advocated by the world, is undermining a future marriage.  The one-flesh relationship that is waiting for the husband and wife to be, has been marred already by previous sexual encounters.  Some will say that it is not so bad if you end up marrying the person you have been intimate with.  But marriage is more than just a piece of paper that legalises what you have already been doing.  God says that a man should take a wife in holiness and honour.  But how is that possible when you have lived unholy prior to marriage?

Let marriage, therefore, begin in holiness and honour by having God bless your marriage in a Christian worship service wherein you openly vow to be a faithful husband and wife until death parts, calling upon God to help you.

Marriage itself, is of course, not a licence to sexual indulgence.  Self-denial and respect for the partner are also applicable in marriage.  Unrestrained and immoral behaviour are as wrong in marriage as outside of it.  Indecent sexual practices that come from lust become an acid that eats away at the marriage.  Let holiness and honour continue on in marriage.

3.

In the final place, a few words about singleness with regard to sex and love.

Enough has been said, we trust, about the need to love and to be loved.  Sex without love becomes a mere physical thing and it eats away at our spirituality.

But what about those who are single?  They too need to love and to be loved.  And what about their sexual needs?

Singleness has become more common than it used to be.  We are inclined to think of young people who are not yet married.  But the singles group is much wider.  Women generally live longer than men and we have in the older age group more widows than widowers.  But they are single too.  Then with the increasing divorce rate, which is sad but still a fact, there are a number of people who were married but are now single again.  Furthermore, there are people who never married even though they wanted to, and there are people who choose not to marry.

There is nothing wrong with being single.  Marriage is a gift from God, but God does not force people to marry.  Singleness is not the opposite of marriage, rather it is an alternative to marriage.  Singleness is as honourable as marriage is.  The Lord Jesus Himself never married and He was human in every way.

But what about the sexuality of single people?  Being single doesn’t mean it is not there.  Well, whatever God has to say about sexual relationships apply to single people just as they do to married people.  Chastity and decency are to be practised by all.  Singles who are Christian remain committed to Christ when they protect the holiness and purity of themselves and others.  Singles who are Christian will not want to allow the sexual element to enter into a friendship.  That does not mean that such friendships are unfulfilling.  On the contrary, friendships among the singles can be rich and satisfying when they love their neighbour in the biblical way.

The married are more restricted in that they are committed to their partner and family.  But the single person can have friendships with many people and be of Christian help and service to all.  Their sexuality need not intrude and they should not allow it to do so.  In our time, obsessed by sex as it is, singles just have to be on their guard and extra careful to live by God’s standards and not the world’s.

Sex and Christian love then always go together.  To love God and your neighbour means to say no to self-centredness, self-indulgence and self-satisfaction.

But is there a word of comfort for those who fought the good fight but failed?  What about those whose longings turned into lust and sinned against God, against others and against their own person?  Sexual sins can bite deep into our consciences and make us feel worthless.  Well, that same Word of God that truthfully reports the sinful behaviour of human beings also speaks of forgiveness in Jesus Christ.  Yes, there is forgiveness for every sin, also the sexual ones.

Hear therefore the call of God to repent.  Come near to the throne of grace and receive a free pardon.  Jesus the Saviour died in order to set us free from the power of every sin.  And He arose to a new life in which we too may share.  With God there is compassion and forgiveness.  And He will put you back on your feet, renewed by His Spirit and Word.  But with the gracious words ‘you are forgiven!’ comes also the loving command: ‘go and sin no more!’

AMEN