Word of Salvation – Vol.17 No.23 – June 1971

 

Bringing Up Children

 

Sermon by Rev. W. Wiersma, Th.Grad. on Eph.6:4.

Scripture Readings: Deuteronomy 6:1-12 Psalm 115

Suggested Hymns:

Psalter Hymnal  264; 272; 414; 45; 493

 

Dear Congregation,

When the Lord commands children to honour and obey their father and mother, this clearly implies that parents are placed in authority over their children.  However, this does not give the parents the right to treat their children as they like or see fit.  Every authority that anyone has over others is an authority given him by the Lord.  So that whilst, for example, slaves are told to obey their masters, whether they are good or bad, masters are also told to remember that they have a Master in heaven, to whom they are responsible.  So parents too are responsible to God with respect to the way they treat and train their children.

The commandment to love your neighbour as yourself also applies to parents in their relations to their children.  To love is to seek the best for.  To love your child is to seek the best for him or her.  And that, according to God’s Word, means two things with respect to the way you treat your children:

1.  that you treat them considerately and not harshly;

2.  that you don’t spoil them, but discipline them.

To seek the best for your child also means to teach him those things which will be most beneficial to him.  And that, according to Scripture, is the true wisdom based on the fear of the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger – do not rouse your children to resentment.  Be careful that you do not unnecessarily irritate your children.  This is the first thing parents are told, after the children have heard how they must obey their parents.

Parents are warned against abusing their authority.  They are told not to demand more of their children than what is reasonable.  Perhaps the danger of provoking children to anger by telling them to do something for you is not so very great today.  Many parents, in reaction against all the hard work that was demanded of them as youngsters, are not asking much, if anything, in the way of physical work from their children.

Besides, so long as the work is fairly divided, most children – although they will at times grumble – can see the need of giving a hand around the house.  What makes children angry is being treated unfairly.

Children, just like adults, like to know where they stand.  There is a need for set rules and standards in the home.  For without rules a child will never know what is expected of him.  Without rules you cannot apply any rule, and the child is left insecure and to the mercy of his parents mood.  So there must be rules.  Rules and standards which are based on the principles laid down in God’s Word.  For only when that is the case will there be any unity, or line, in the various rules.  Only then will there be a recognition of the Lordship of Christ in the home.

And then, parents must deal with their children according to the standards laid down.  There must be honesty and fairness in the home.  There must not be a dealing in double standards.  Nothing irritates and disappoints children so much as inconsistency and hypocrisy.  So the first thing that is required of parents who wish to prevent provoking their children to wrath, is a consistent Christian life.  In our homes we must practice what we preach.  If, for example, we preach honesty and expect it from our children, we will have to be honest with them.  If we expect them to confess their wrongs, we as parents will have to confess ours too, and apologise when that is required.  If parents want their children to talk to them, they will have to take time and show an interest by listening to their children.  Parents must know their children and their individual needs, problems and abilities.

And so we come to the positive part of the Word of God before us.  And that is the responsibility of parents to teach and discipline their children.  Do not provoke them to anger, but, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Children are gifts of the Lord.  This is something not always appreciated by all parents.  But it is necessary for parents to see their children as such if they are to have a proper approach to, and regard for, their children.  Children are a trust God gives to parents.  And there is no greater responsibility, and no task with such far-reaching consequences as the bringing-up of children.  It is in the home that children are shaped and moulded for the rest of their lives.  It is in the home that children learn the basic attitudes to life that will influence them in their thinking and learning.  It is from their parents that children learn their first bits of wisdom.  In the home the foundation is laid for all their future education.

And the Bible teaches that not only is this foundation important, but also what this foundation is to be.  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom.  That’s why the parents in the Old Testament were clearly commanded to teach their children the law – the statutes and judgements – of the Lord.

In the Bible, religious education is emphasised.  The aim of education – for instance, in the book of Proverbs – is clearly said to be: to foster wise habits of thought and action in the heart.  Education is to equip a child to find his way through life with sureness.  Now these are points which are overlooked in much of modern education.  In liberal education it is not God, but man, who is regarded as sovereign.  It is man who decides and judges everything, on the basis of his own understanding.  In liberal education, spiritual values count for nothing.  The liberal view is:

            knowledge is money

            knowledge is virtue

            knowledge is power.

And this view is held by the majority of educationists, teachers and students today.  Students think you study because it opens up the way to a greater income.  Not: that you study in order to understand and to be able to evaluate what is going on in the world.  Education is – or rather was – regarded as the cure-all.  It was hoped that education would make jails obsolete.  But it did not work out that way, because there was no fear of the Lord in the education system as a whole.  Sure, some time was allowed for religious instruction.  But in nearly all subjects, teachers undermine the instruction given in religious instruction classes, by openly or quietly denying the Lordship of Christ in the classroom.  This is the opposition that Christian parents are facing in much of the public school training of their children.  It is not that too little time is given to Bible reading or prayer.  But it is the denial of God, and His sovereignty over all things, in every subject.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  And parents – Christian parents – have to see to it that their children learn to know God’s revelation and His will.  They have to bring up their children in the instruction of the Lord.  And this is what you have promised at the baptism of your children.  You promised to instruct your children and cause them to be instructed in the doctrine contained in the Bible; the doctrine which you have confessed to believe.

This, of course, refers first of all to home and catechism class.  But surely it also refers to the education at school, where our children are influenced by their teachers every day.  And every parent knows the influence of teachers – especially on infants who regard teachers as infallible sources of wisdom and knowledge.

Now the Lord also expects Christian parents to discipline their children.  Everyone knows the Proverb: Spare the rod and spoil the child.  Or, in the words of Prov.13:24: He that spares his rod hates his son, but he that loves him chastises him betimes.  Why does God speak thus?  Why does God say: “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but the child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Prov.29:15); and “correct your son and he shall give you rest; Yes, he shall give delight to your soul.” (Prov.29:17).

God speaks in this way because He knows that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” (Prov.22:15).

Children too suffer from the old nature: the inclination to do things against God’s will.  The need for discipline is there because of original sin.  The thought that children are innocent little beings who learn evil only from the example of others, is foreign to Scripture.  The truth is that children have the seed of sin in them.  They need correction when they do wrong.  And through correction, as well as proper instruction, they learn to know what is right and good for them.  The character of a child is like a growing plant.  It grows more sturdy for some cutting back.  As the Proverb says: “He that refuses instruction despises his own soul, but he that listens to reproof gets understanding.” (15:32,33).  “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”  (Prov.22:6) Or, in the words of Heb.12:11: “Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous; nevertheless afterwards it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to them that are exercised by it.”

Many a grown-up child is thankful to his parents for not allowing him to have his way.  He knows his parents cared for him.  He is thankful to them for leading him to wisdom.  For, if wisdom is life itself, a hard way to it is better than a soft way to death.  It is true that we cannot force wisdom into a child.  We cannot make our children believe in the Lord.  But we can encourage our children to seek wisdom.  And we can instruct them in the way of wisdom by teaching and by example.

We can and must acquaint our children with the word of God, which is able to make them wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.  Yes, we must bring up our children in the Lord.  That means we must desire to be led by, we must dare to take our stand on Scripture.

For Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.

God has given parents authority and a responsibility.  Let no parent abuse or forsake it.  But use and fulfil it, for the life of your child!

Amen.