Word of Salvation – October 2015

 

Fifth Commandment: Honour Your Father and Mother

A sermon by Rev. Pieter Tuit on Lord’s Day 39

 

Gaining weight is something that none of us really desire. We rather lose weight, especially now with the Christmas season upon us .However, in the fifth commandment we are asked to add weight, to make heavy, our parents. This is behind the meaning of the word honor. Children, through honoring their parents, are instructed to add weight, to make heavy, their parents. So children how much weight are you adding to your parents? And parents, how heavy do your children make you feel in their honouring of you?

We have concluded our series on learning how to pray. This morning we begin a new series of messages. In the weeks to come we will look at what is called the second table of the law. The summary of this table of the law is that we must love our neighbor as ourselves. And, as we did with the series on prayer, we will be guided, besides Scripture, by our church’s official teacher, the Heidelberg catechism.

The second table of the law, dealing with our neighbor, cannot be separated from the first table of the law, the first four commandments. This table, our Lord Jesus summarized in these well-known words that we must love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. And Jesus called this the first and greatest commandment. It is therefore our relationship with God through Jesus Christ, it is the honor and the worship of God, it is the Word of God that gives structure, and guidance to our relationship with our neighbor, and consequently to the second table of the law.

It is very important therefore to get things right about God. Otherwise we cannot get things right in our relationship with our neighbour. This is an important truth that our society is forgetting, or denying, to its own peril. Where God and his Word is not considered absolute there the will of the people, often influenced by a few, becomes absolute. And if the will and conscience of the people is not guided by the Word of God, and obedience to God, it cannot bring a blessing in the long run.

Living according to the second table of the law is therefore something that God’s people are called to do. It is something that disciples of Jesus are born again to do. It is something that baptized Christians desire to do. It is more than just a matter of following ethical principles. It is a matter of following Jesus in dedicated discipleship. In the Great Commission Jesus commanded his disciples to disciple the nations, baptize, and teach them to obey everything he had commanded them. This includes obeying the fifth commandment. Our baptism unites us with Christ, places us under his Lordship, and all that comes with this. And in doing so we follow him, of whom it was said when he was a child, that he was obedient to his parents.

Honor your father and your mother, the Bible teaches. It should be noted that, in its original context, this commandment was addressed first of all to adults, and their relationship with their parents. In the days this commandment was given there was no Centrelink and old age pension. Aged parents depended on the good will of their children. Aged parents could become an economic burden. Aged parents could be left literally in the cold, by uncaring, and parent dishonoring, children. However, those who worship God and honor his name are also those who will honor their parents when they get old and frail. In God’s covenant community aged parents deserve a God given place of honor.

This commandment therefore continues to be very relevant for us, and our society, today. Much has been heard about child abuse the past weeks, including, very sad to say, child abuse in the church and by church officials. Everyone should be rightly concerned about this. However, there is another problem that is happening right now. That is the problem of elder abuse. Stories abound of elderly citizens being taken advantage of. There are elderly people who are physically, emotionally, financially, and in other ways abused and yes, at times by their own children.

The fifth commandment instructs us that elderly parents deserve the honor, attention, care, and the love of their children. Abuse and dishonor of elderly therefore should not be heard of amongst those who claim to follow the Lord Jesus Christ.

This very open ended commandment invites children of all ages to respond to their parents in ways that honors them. In all dealings with parents the order of the day should be respect, esteem, having regard and concern for, showing affection, consideration and appreciation and yes, for under aged children and teenagers, obedience. But this commandment first of all encourages adult children to honor their aged parents and all that comes with this.

Consequently, this commandment also encourages aged parents to help their adult children make this a joyful responsibility, and not an impossible, grudgingly carried burden. Aged parents to have a responsibility to grow grey and old gracefully and not self centerdly.

Yes, this commandment also includes the fact that children must be obedient to their parents. God takes obedience to parents very serious. Disobedience to parents was severely punished in the Old Testament. In Deut. 21 there is legislation that states that parents can bring their disobedient son to the elders of the town and they shall stone him. It is noteworthy that both father and mother are involved. The son is disobedient to both father and mother. They will say to the elders “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a squanderer and a drunkard. Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge this evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.

Throughout the ages God’s people did not always do well in obeying this commandment. The Old Testament has many negative stories of the relationship between the generations. Here we think of Noah, Isaac, Jacob, Eli, Samuel, David. Many of God’s people did not get that parent thing right. It is noteworthy that one of the things the promised Messiah would do was to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers. It is equally noteworthy that the prophet Malachi adds to these words that where this does not happen the Lord God will come and strike the land with a curse.

The New Testament also is aware that parents and children do not always get it right in obeying this fifth commandment. In Romans one and other places Paul views disobedience to parents as an evidence of ungodliness, and a sign that the last days are upon us. To the church in Ephesus Paul writes that Christian children are to obey their parents in the Lord. At the same time he instructs fathers not to exasperate their children but instead bring them up in the training and instruction in the Lord. This is repeated in Paul’s letter to the church in Colosse. Here Paul instructs fathers not to embitter their children.

We see that this commandment has been applied to not just parental authority, but all kinds of authority. We see this for example in Lord’s Day 39 of the Heidelberg Catechism. There, the answer to the question “What is God’s will for us in the fifth commandment? Is “That I honour, love, and be loyal to my father and mother and all those in authority over me; that I obey and submit to them, as is proper, when they correct and punish me; and also that I be patient with their failings-for through them God chooses to rule us.

Followers of Jesus therefore are those who will obey rightful authority at whatever level and whatever institution. They do this because, as Scripture and the catechism teaches, through these authority structures God chooses to rule us.

Of these authority structures the family is the most basic. This is why it is mentioned specifically in this fifth commandment. What is done in the family will impact our schools, churches, society and government. Consequently, what is not done in our families will also, albeit adversely, effects our schools, churches, society and government. Most of us are familiar with the saying as goes the family so goes the church and society.

The lasting influence, positively, as well as negatively, of home and parents cannot be underestimated. Homes where children are raised thinking they are the center of the universe, but in which parents do not teach that there is an obligation to church and society,where there is no teaching to respect authority, cannot expect to produce young people who respect family and other authority. Learning to respect authority begins in the home that prepares children for a God blessed, and God directed life in church and society.

The role of parents in the lives of their children changes over time. Will Willimon and Stanley Hauerwas comment that how we honor our parents depends on how old we are. As children, we honor our parents by obeying their instructions. Later we honor our parents by carefully weighing their advice even if we end up deciding otherwise. Finally, as mature adults we honor our parents by caring for their needs.

Now there’s a biblical principle in 2 Corinthians 12:14 that children shouldn’t have to save up money to take care of their parents, but parents are to do that for their children. That principle simply says that wise parents should be good stewards of their resources, so they don’t have to financially burden their kids when they get older. That’s a biblical principle. But that principle is balanced by this one, that part of our honor for our parents is caring for their needs as they age. Our temptation in this phase of life is to neglect our parents, to call or visit them less and less frequently, to think about what they need less and less.

Christian families therefore are families where parents, in love, exercise their God-given authority. Christian families are places where children are nurtured, kept safe, and guided by this loving authority. Christian families are places where children obey this authority. Christian families are families where God’s authority, exercised through the parents brings blessing, wholeness and well-being.

The New Testament encourages parents, and especially fathers, not to discourage their children. Parents, what stories of parental encouragement will your children be able to tell? In other words, how does your way of exercising your God-given parental authority help your children to obey God? Is it possible that the way you exercise your God give parental authority hinders your children to obey God? Are you a source of discouragement and bitterness for your children. Children and teenagers are you making the job of your parents a joy by the way you are responding to their God-given authority? Why not discuss this together as a family during Sunday lunch.

Christian families where parents lovingly, and directionally, exercise their God given authority, and where children willingly, and lovingly, respond to this authority, are a blessing to each other, to the church, and to the society in which we live. These kind of Christian families are truly the salt of the earth and the light of the world. These kind of Christian families are truly a witness to the saving gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. Let us not underestimate the powerful gospel witness that Christian families can have.

We have seen that the catechism applies this commandment to all kinds of authority. God exercises his authority not only through parents, but also through government,and other institutions such as school, business, and others. In Romans 13 Paul instructs the Roman Christians that everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities for there is no authority except that which God has established. Paul wrote this about the Roman government which was certainly not a Christian government. In other places he instructs the churches to pray for those in authority so that we may live peaceable lives.

Obedience to authority is not an absolute matter. In the book of Acts the apostles tell us that we must obey God rather than men. When it comes to the gospel and following him, Jesus himself relativizes parental authority and says that he who loves father, mother, more than him is not worthy of him.

The catechism is aware that in this world there is no perfect authority, parental, government and otherwise. However imperfect authority is no excuse for disobedience. Instead, we are encouraged to be patient with their failings.

Now, let me give a warning here. Being patient with imperfect authority does not mean that we have to be patient with, and put up with abusive authority. Abuse of authority, whether in our families, churches, and other institutions can, and does occur. Some of you present here this morning may have suffered from an abusive way of exercising authority. Some of you may even be suffering right now. Any abuse done to you, or is being done, is not right. The fifth commandment does not condone it. Having patience with someone’s weaknesses and shortcomings does not mean allowing yourself to be abused.

Abuse, whether physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or sexual, is sin. No one has to put up with it. If you are being abused, you need to speak with someone you can trust about it. If you are being abused sexually you need to speak to the police and I invite you to speak to the church. Abusers, including Christian abusers, need to be confronted with the law, and their need to repent. If you have been abused in the near or far past, you may need help to work through it.

We want our church to be a safe place within the context of the times in which we live. This is why the session is requesting that all who in some ways are involved with ministry to children and youth get a police check. This is why the session is formulating policies, with the help of the policy document from the Kingston churches, that sets things in place that help our congregation to be safe for our children and any visitor.

We want our congregation also to be a place for those who have been broken because of abuse. And this applies to the victims of abuse but also to the perpetrators, though they will not be treated the same. We want to be a place where people can heal together and find rest for their souls in Jesus Christ. By God’s grace and with his help, we are not going to be a church where abusers are protected and allowed to continue in their sin. Abusers who sincerely repent can count on God’s forgiveness and the forgiveness of the church even though they will still face the long arm of the law and they may never be placed in a ministry position with children. We take the words of Matthew 18 very seriously where Jesus says ‘” But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Hearing this commandment and its explanation can raise a lot of things within us. Hopefully for most of us there is within us a prayer of thanks to God for parents who, even with all their short comings, because of God’s grace, got things right with this commandment. They modeled God directed and loving authority. Hopefully there is with many of us a prayer of thanks to God for children who, again by God’s grace, got things right when it comes to the fifth commandment. We can give thanks to God for loving, obedient and parent honoring children. If there is still the opportunity do not only tell God but also thank your parents and your children today for getting things right with this commandment.

It is also possible that there is a realization, as parents, that we did not get things right, that we messed up, and that we negatively impacted the lives of our children. It is also possible that there is a realization that we dishonored our parents and hurt them by trampling on their hearts. If you find yourselves in that situation remember the word of God that says that if we say we have no sin, also with regard to the fifth commandment, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. However there is also the promise for all who have sinned against the fifth commandment, that, if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Remember that the name whose birth we celebrate on Christmas is Jesus meaning that he will save his people from their sin.

God’s forgiveness in us also leads parents to forgive the sins that children have committed against them, and the sins that parents have committed against their children. This is not always easy, and as we heard in a previous sermon, when the sin has involved abuse, this process may need to take a long time and you may need help.

The Lord’s Supper is a picture therefore first of all of the forgiveness that God provides, in Jesus Christ, for all who have sinned against the fifth commandment. The Lord Jesus who was obedient to his earthly parents died on the cross for parents and children who so often mess up when it comes to obeying the fifth commandment. The Lord’s supper is also a picture of how Christ’s forgiveness flows through us to others and we can sit together around the table because we are willing to forgive each other.

Jesus said if you love me you keep my commandments. Those who love Jesus honor their parents and in this way follow him who was obedient to his earthly father and mother. Amen